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Posted by: SCREAM | 2008/08/19

I AM ALWAYS IN DIFFERENT STAGES OF ANGER

I NEED HELP. MY LIFE IS CONTROLLED BY ANGER. I AM EITHER ANGRY, OR SUPRESSING ANGER. I FEEL LIKE DR JACKAL AND MR HYDE....ONE OR THE OTHER. MOST OF THE TIMES WHILE I AM BEING HORRIBLY ANGRY IT' S AS IF MY OTHER SIDE TELL ME TO STOP BUT THE ANGRY ME IS STILL ON THE GO. I AM A 41 YEAR OLD WOMAN. I AM WITTY, HAVE A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOUR, USUALLY MAKES PEOPLE AROUND ME LAUGH A LOT BUT WHEN I GET TO THE PEOPLE I LOVE THE MOST, THEY ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO GET TO SEE MY UGLY SIDE...ALMOST FINDING IT STRANGE WHEN I LAUGH AND JOKE AT HOME. I MARRIED AGE 18, HAD CHILD AGE 22,DIVORCED AGE 24. SINGLE MOM TILL AGE 35, REMARRIED, HAD A SON. WE' LL BE MARRIED FOR 6 YEARS IN DECEMBER. I DO LOVE MY FAMILY. I WANT TO BE CALM, I DO NOT WANT TO TAKE LIFE SO SERIOUS, I DO NOT WANT TO GET SO HISTERICALLY ANGRY. I DO NOT WANT TO SEE EVERYTHING AS AN OBSTACLE. PLEASE HELP ME TO HELP MYSELF.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

People see a message entirely in capital letters as screaming at them, and find it unpleasant to read.
It sounds as though anger has become almost a habit with you, as a way of responding to a wide range of triggers and stimuli. It'd be best to see a good local shrink for a thorough in-depth assessment, to explore why you lean so heavily towards this way of respondiong to situations, and to use CBT counselling to learn better ways of handling them. Your sense of humour is a highly hopeful sign, and something strong to build on.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Just-me | 2008/08/20

Once you get it out, you' ll want to KEEP it out, trust me

Reply to Just-me
Posted by: Just-me | 2008/08/20

...also, you said you are scared that when you get those issues out in the open you' d just want to pack them right back, know what you mean. That scared me as well, but then i just think about the bad state that i was in and that is almost enough to force me to keep the issues out in the open and not back in the dark. Also, the degree to how BADLY you want to NOT feel like you' re feeling will also stop you from packing it away again...

Reply to Just-me
Posted by: Just-me | 2008/08/20

Good for you. Do get help, and yeah, get someone to help you if you must, cause it is damn hard, obviously, cause you' ve packed them away for so many years. But get those issues out. You don' t want to loose your lovely familly because of problems that you can sort out, you want to be happy and enjoy life WITH them.

Good luck, soon you' ll feel better!  -)

Reply to Just-me
Posted by: SCREAM | 2008/08/20

Heya Just-me,
Ditto......there is no doubt in my mind that you get exactly what I' m going through. I know I would not even have to explain in so many words, just how much your letter means to me. Yes, there is some " stuff"  and I' ve decided to get help digging it all out because if i could not do it all by myself by now, I might never have the guts to face it. I am scared that having all of the issues out in the open, I might just want to pack them right back and not follow through. So...... thanks for the advice.

Reply to SCREAM
Posted by: just-me | 2008/08/20

Hey,

After reading your letter I felt as if it was something that I might' ve written. I have been feeling exactly like you for ages, years and years, to the ' T' , especially where you said that " MOST OF THE TIMES WHILE I AM BEING HORRIBLY ANGRY IT'  S AS IF MY OTHER SIDE TELL ME TO STOP BUT THE ANGRY ME IS STILL ON THE GO" , had to start laughing cause that' s exactly how I was.

Did you get SO mad sometimes that you were actually at a loss of words (to scream). Did it feel like you had a ball of burning poison in your gut that you just want to GET OUT!! The littlest, stupidest thing would set you off screaming and exploding!? And immediately after you got it out you feel SO stupid and ashamed and you can’ t understand why the hell that was such and issue for you?!

I was in a long relationship with this amazing guy for about 4 years. But after my anger became so bad, I couldn' t bear to face him anymore, we were engaged. I knew that I had to figure out what the hell is going on with me and I had to sort it out, I could never marry this great guy because I was taking out all my anger on him, the person in this whole world I loved the most. So I broke off the engagement. At least now I only had to worry about screwing up my own life, not this great guy' s as well.

I hit rock bottom a couple of months after that, I was just dwelling through life like a zombie, was unemployed (cause I didn' t feel like working), mad and angry all the time, but most of all felt like a complete failure in life.

It wasn' t until a very dear and old friend of mine sat me down and wrapped me over the knuckles for the state that I’ m in. He told me that I look a mess, sound a mess and act like a mess. And that I need to sort out whatever issues it was that I had otherwise I’ m going to end up in the gutters. I tried to defend my pathetic-ness with “ But I don’ t know what it is that’ s bothering me!!”  and he replied with “ Bullsh*t, whatever it is that’ s bothering you is buried away deep inside you, you just have to go and dig it out!” 

And he was right, I had to go sit down, and delve deeeeep into myself to bring out all those old childhood – issues that bothered me that I just covered up and never looked at again, because it was just easier than going through all the pain to actually resolve it. And some of those issues I couldn’ t really resolve because I was too young, so I just suppressed all these things and put a lid on it. But little did I know that by doing this, it just made things SO much worse, cause by not resolving things, by not bringing the issues that bothers you into the light and keeping it covered up deep inside your heart, you cause it to start rotting, and it’ ll rot and rot away until it starts eating into your heart, and then that starts affecting your mood. And you off course don’ t know how to handle this ever-growing ball of rot inside your heart just wants to shoot out of your mouth?

Can I ask you if there are any unresolved issues in your life that bothered you so much that you suppressed it for so long that you can’ t even remember what it is that caused you so much pain to start off with?

Can I recommend something, take a day of, go somewhere where you can be on your own and start digging into your darkest corner of your heart (however painful) and start listing the things of your past that caused you pain and anger. You know what, this worked for me. Just bringing the things that I suppressed for so long, ( that I had to actually go and dig for them (cause you subconsciously ‘ forget’  things that you don’ t want to think about) and bringing them (each and every one of them) into the light, and actually acknowledging them, did wonders for me, I’ m a different person I promise you. And I didn’ t necessarily sort them out, but at least I know WHY I felt so angry all the time.

Fact that you’ re mentioning you got married at an age of 18, child at 20, makes me wonder if this isn’ t the main thing that bothers you that you just had to live with and never sorted out.

Sorry if this isn’ t helpful, all situations are unique, but this worked for me.

Reply to just-me
Posted by: SCREAM | 2008/08/20

Doc.....after giving this some thought this could not remain unsaid. Not very appropriate for a professional to comment on how people express themselfes with a once off request for advice. Be it typing in capitals, shouting, histerics or bad language. People come to you for advice not critisizm?
See??.... i typed in lower case for pleasant reading.

Reply to SCREAM
Posted by: SCREAM | 2008/08/19

Nope, i could almost say i wish it was menopause because that would mean there' s a reason for all of this and most probably an easy " fix"  - i had my doc check out that possibility 2 weeks ago and my hormone levels are fine. Unless there is another way to detect menopause. Then again it would mean that I' ve been menopausal for a VERY long time. I' ve always had this " explosive"  side.

Reply to SCREAM
Posted by: J Jones | 2008/08/19

Hi
Maybe you are in menopause?

Reply to J Jones

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