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Question
Posted by: Moshe | 2012/03/16

I am always discouraging him ( Control Freak )

My lover thinks I am always discouraging him whenever he wants to do something and yes it did not sit well my me. I thought about what he said the whole night and maybe just maybe he is right. He wanted to do a tatoo i said No dont those things are for small boys, he wanted to buy a white bemuda i said No those trousers are for gays, he wanted to have a facebook account I said No those things are for people who dont have a life, he wanted whatsapp on his phone I said No you dont need that. He wanted to go watch soccer with his friend I said No we had plans already for that day. He is suppose to go to Durban some time in May then I said No your ex will be there. All this things he listened and did as i asked so last night around 10 at night he wanted to call his sister i said No you cant do that this time of the night just to say Hi you will call her tomorrow morning he listened but told me how much i like to discourage him on everything he wants to do.
Am i really disouraging my boyfriend to do what he wants? And why does he listen to me. Am i a contrl freak?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You do indeed sound over-controlling. And there's a matter of HOW you give advice. It's one thing to say "NO, those are awful!" and another to say : "Do you like those ? I always think they're more for little boys ; and I don't think you'd look good in it ". And even better, to say : "You know, I think you look MUCH better in those others".
From your own description, you seem to interfere with matters that are none of your business and which really don't matter, and in a manner that is surely very discouraging and disrespectful.
It doesn't actually make sense when you say you love HIM, when you don't seem to even like anything about him, and to want to change him in so many ways.
How can you see it as disrespectful to the relationship for him to ever disagree with you, when it sounds as though you disagree with him loudly and about everything ? Is this supposed to be a relationship betweeen two adults, or between a mistress and her slave ?
He does, though, sound like an over-obedient wimp. Maybe some couples counselling might help you both to be more adult and truly accepting of each other ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Tema | 2012/03/20

I had a girlfirend like you in varsity. She helped me understand what i didn''t want in a partner. Change or you will lose out.

Reply to Tema
Posted by: Moshe | 2012/03/20

I have stopped I have prayed about it and I have asked for his forgiveness and i have realised how bad i was and how lucky i am to have him in my life. I dont want to loose him I cant loose him

Reply to Moshe
Posted by: Me | 2012/03/19

You are a control freak period...I know woman like you ...you will end up being so miserable and lonely in your life as soon as your boyfriend opens his eyes ...shame i don''t blame him ...at the moment he still blind in the name of love.Stop it now

Reply to Me
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/03/17

You do indeed sound over-controlling. And there's a matter of HOW you give advice. It's one thing to say "NO, those are awful!" and another to say : "Do you like those ? I always think they're more for little boys ; and I don't think you'd look good in it ". And even better, to say : "You know, I think you look MUCH better in those others".
From your own description, you seem to interfere with matters that are none of your business and which really don't matter, and in a manner that is surely very discouraging and disrespectful.
It doesn't actually make sense when you say you love HIM, when you don't seem to even like anything about him, and to want to change him in so many ways.
How can you see it as disrespectful to the relationship for him to ever disagree with you, when it sounds as though you disagree with him loudly and about everything ? Is this supposed to be a relationship betweeen two adults, or between a mistress and her slave ?
He does, though, sound like an over-obedient wimp. Maybe some couples counselling might help you both to be more adult and truly accepting of each other ?

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Obvious | 2012/03/16

Yes u r a control freak, but on the other hand he is a wimp!!!!!!
This could well be a match made in heaven..............

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: Lisa2 | 2012/03/16

You sound very very insecure and feel you constantly need to have him under your control. Why do you treat him like this?

LOL I am sending my hubby to you for a while.

Reply to Lisa2
Posted by: Jet | 2012/03/16

if i was ur man...i''ll run and drop u like a bomb....sure enough u controlling the hell out of the poor guy...HE MUST JUST LEAVE U AND LET U BE....control...beeeacth......

Reply to Jet
Posted by: jkh | 2012/03/16

You must come here and I will show you....sifetshana.

Reply to jkh
Posted by: dollar | 2012/03/16

Yes you are a control F#$* Freak stop and stop it now

Reply to dollar
Posted by: Moshe | 2012/03/16

I really dont know what is wrong with me and what is my problem i love him but i think i am just too scared to let him be HIM i dont know and if for once he can say No i will do it i get so angry and dissapointed and try to blame him for not respecting our relationship. I cry and tell him if he does not listen to me it is better if he leaves me alone cause it seems as though he does not know what he wants

Reply to Moshe
Posted by: Maria | 2012/03/16

Actually, if everything he wants to do is so problematic for you, why are you still his girlfriend? Maybe you should find a guy better suited to yourself?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Yes | 2012/03/16

You say " No"  a lot. Poor guy, what''s wrong with having WhatsApp? Actually he shouldn''t have asked you, he should have just downloaded it - it''s his phone mos. Why naye does he keep asking for your permission for every little thing....

Reply to Yes
Posted by: Maria | 2012/03/16

Yes, you sound very controlling and disrespectful towards you boyfriend. I have no idea why he would keep listening to you, do you react badly when he goes against your opinion or advice? If you value this relationship I suggest you back off and let the man make his own decisions and live his life.

Reply to Maria

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