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Question
Posted by: Elzabe | 2010/08/04

Huweliks probleem

Goeie dag,

Ek en my man is besig om mekaar te verloor en verby mekaar te lewe. Ons het onlangs ''n baba gehad en hy is nou 5maande oud. Dinge is net soveel meer besiger met die huishoudelike take, baba en werk en ons is albei op breekpunt. Ek weet nie wat om te doen om dinge beter te maak nie, alles is so veeleisend. Ons het ''n beraader gaan sien en sy het voorgestel dat ons vir ''n ruk apart moet lewe. Vir my voel dit nie na ''n goeie opsie nie, want ek is bang dit vererger net dinge en mens dryf net nog verder van mekaar. My man het ook baie stress by die werk en hy het nie eers meer ''n eetlus nie, hy slaap sleg en daar is hierdie vibe by die huis. Sy het ook voorgestel dat ons in aparte kamers moet slaap. Ek is al radeloos en ontsettend moeg &  uitgeput en weet nie meer watter kant toe nie. Ek het al gedink dat my man dalk post natal depression het - maar ek weet nie hoe om hom te help nie

Dankie

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I'm not sure what your counsellor's way of thinking was, but if a main issue was the stresses of work, home, and infant care, and of losing touch with each other, I find it hard to see what could be gained by living apart for a time ( apart from increasing the cost of living, and decreasing your opportunities for working together to find solutions ). It just does not sound a helpful suggestion at all.
I wonder, too, whether your husband may be becoming depressed, too, from your description. This can be helped by medication from your GP, as well as by proper counselling of the CBT form. And a similarly sensible counsellor could help you both find better ways of avoiding such stress as is avoidable, and handling whatever stress can't be avoided

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: buddie | 2010/08/04

Ek stem saam met jou dat om apart te woon is nie die beste opsie nie, sorry maar ek kan nie dink dat ''n berader so iets kan voorstel nie.
Jy se die huishoudelike take het meer geword, kan jou man nie miskien help met die take nie,miskien moet hy kosmaak terwyl jy na die baba omsien, hopenlik slaap julle kind al in sy eie kamer.Indien moontlik is daar nie iemand wat na die kind kan omsien se vir ''n naweek nie,dan kan jy en jou man weggaan of tuisbly en net alleen wees vir die naweek, geniet weer mekaar se geselsskap.
Stress kom oral voor en dit ongelukkig so dat dit baie inwerk op ''n mens,maar dan moet hy by ''n dokter uitkom en medikasie kry wat dit ''n bietjie onderdruk
Dit is nie ''n aangename ding as ''n mens so moeg en uitgeput is nie, probeer om die take te verdeel,

Sterkte en laat weet as enige raad van waarde was

Reply to buddie
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/08/04

I'm not sure what your counsellor's way of thinking was, but if a main issue was the stresses of work, home, and infant care, and of losing touch with each other, I find it hard to see what could be gained by living apart for a time ( apart from increasing the cost of living, and decreasing your opportunities for working together to find solutions ). It just does not sound a helpful suggestion at all.
I wonder, too, whether your husband may be becoming depressed, too, from your description. This can be helped by medication from your GP, as well as by proper counselling of the CBT form. And a similarly sensible counsellor could help you both find better ways of avoiding such stress as is avoidable, and handling whatever stress can't be avoided

Reply to cybershrink

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