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Question
Posted by: Broken | 2011/04/20

Husbank in an Affair

I will appreciate advise. My husband is having an affair with a girl half his age. I love him very much, don''t want to divorce him. He said he would stop, but I find proof that it is still ongoing. What do I do? It is no good if he stays just because I love him, but he actually wants her. We are in our 50s and she is in her early 20s. DO you think it can last? Do you suggest I turn a blind eye? I don''t want to loose him!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It is extremely likely that this foolih afair won't last, and that she is using him in some way and will drop im as soon as he is no longer useful. Meanwhile, she is probably convincing him, and he is convincing himself, that he is irresistable for reasons that actually don't apply at all. If you care about him, fiercely protect your OWN rights, and don't let go, as he will need support when she moves on and he gets dumped. No point in pretending you don't know about it, and maybe some legal advice would be a good idea to be sure of your rights and how best to protect them

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Thinking of you | 2011/04/20

I agree - stop all the home comforts. Don''t do his washing, ironing, cooking etc etc. He can''t have it all - life''s not like that. don''t allow yourself to be used. I agree with B, but would suggest going the extra mile to make yourself look special when you go out/come home, so that he really sits up and takes notice and wonders what''s going on. He''ll soon make a decision when all the come comforts come to an end. It will be hard for you to do, but you need to, so that he gets the message that you are not willing to be his chief cook and bottle washer while he has his bit on the side.

I wish you the best, but don''t compromise who you are through it all, just to hang on. Sometimes the best is to let it go, and if it were meant to be, it will come back?

Reply to Thinking of you
Posted by: B | 2011/04/20

No it woant last but do you want to live on the edge all the time knowing he is cheating. I had the same thing happen but with an older woman and he said he wanted the marriage to work and he still kept seeing her - so stick to what you want out of the marriage and you deserve what you worked for all your married life and why should she benefit at the end of the day. You play hard to get - dont be there when he gets home let him wonder where you are - let him ask the questions - go out at unusual times - DO NOT BE AVAILABLE - and see where that goes, he will soon miss the conforts of home and you. Hope this helps - it is so hard when the trust is gone - and I still battle with that side of things - Good Luck

Reply to B
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/04/20

It is extremely likely that this foolih afair won't last, and that she is using him in some way and will drop im as soon as he is no longer useful. Meanwhile, she is probably convincing him, and he is convincing himself, that he is irresistable for reasons that actually don't apply at all. If you care about him, fiercely protect your OWN rights, and don't let go, as he will need support when she moves on and he gets dumped. No point in pretending you don't know about it, and maybe some legal advice would be a good idea to be sure of your rights and how best to protect them

Reply to cybershrink

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