Posted by: Apprehensive | 2009-01-31

Husbands Temper Tantrums

Married 14 years to kids, financially stable, Varsity educated, Christian Church goers, different Churches one main stream the other( his) very small ,conservative American influenced " fire and brimstone"  type Baptist, very devout to the exclusion of my Chruch activites, refuses to attend his childrens'  Christenings, Confirmations etc. However he is generally, a kind and generous person loves his family etc, but underneath this lurks an occasional monster temper. Could be sparked off with some frustration at work, or failing to resolve an issue, like a cellphone not working or indeed an arguement between us. This results in his clenshing of teeth, red face and smashing his fist against the wall (and has injured himself requiring surgery)or cupboard or thowing the cell phone on the floor, &  tearing up books Although he has not transferred this anger, physically to either me or the kids, I become extremly nervous when he is in this rage. Clearly this is not normal. How do I do about getting him to have this treated. Should I lay it all out for him and tell him that any further displays of what I call a childish temper tantrum will put our relationship at serious risk. His brother and father suffer from the same affliction. Some advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It always seems to me such a contradiction of Christianity, indeed of any major religion, when a small sect of the brimstone variety is so hostile towards others of any religion, including Christianity, nominally their own broad faith. That must be difficult for you. I understand, too, your nervousness about his temper tantrums, and although they can respond to treatment, both CBT and medication, of course this would require him to fully recognize that he has a problem and to sincerely want such expert help with it. Interesting that his father and broher apparently behave similarly --- could mean that its primarily a learned response ( which is good news, as that can be unlearned ) rather than something physically inherited.
I can't really advise you about how to steer him towards accepting help with this, as so much depends on how he is between tantrums, and what his actual attitude is towards his own tantrums and towards the idea of treatment

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Our users say:
Posted by: Main Streamer | 2009-01-31

Yes, I agree with the Doc. It almost seems as if they are scared to experience someone elses particular religion in case they find out that theirs might be flawed in some way. It seems to me that these fringe religions, are while no doubt well meaning and follow the Bible, they just become too short-sighted to see any further. Although I will not abandon my particular choice of faith, I would have no problem in attending someone elses celebration as I thjink to refuse to go, apart from not being quite normal, shows a tremendous amount disrespect for his wife, her children and her family. Lucky for you anyway that his behviour can possibly be " unlearned" . Good luck

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