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Question
Posted by: kirsteyn | 2010/05/22

Husband''s porn addiction

Hi there, first of please know that my husband is a great man, a good father and a good provider for our family but he does something that people don''t know about, I''m constantly finding that my husband is watching and downloading free porn behind my back to masturbate to, he tells me that it''s not like cheating on me because it''s not the real thing, but I feel that it''s still a problem in our relationship.

Am I being unreasonable here, please tell me if I am because
this habit of his makes me feel worthless and I''ve tried to sort this out on many occasions, giving him more sex to satisfy his appetite, withholding sex, fighting, screaming, deleting that rubbish off the PC, going to marriage counseling you name it and yet he still continues with this crap.

I feel so helpless here and I don''t know what to do anymore and this is not the kind of thing I''d like to discuss with family or friends either, it makes me feel like I want to have an extra marital affair just to get back at him somehow, I don''t know I''m so angry here, I just want to make him feel like I do because to me it IS like cheating to me.

Plus the majority of the stuff he downloads is anal (I refuse to give it to him because it hurts and he can''t control himself when he''s going for it so I stopped it all together as I don''t enjoy it but I did try to give it a bash)

Now that I''m pregnant with our second baby he''s having a field day with the porn and using the pregnancy as an excuse not to have sex with me as he believes that I''m " not in the mood so he doesn''t want to put pressure on me" ..... rubbish!!!! Always an excuse to validate his reasons to go back to porn

He refuses to believe that this is ruining our relationship, I simply don''t trust him anymore to be alone in the house and what happens if our daughter finds this stuff on the PC one day, I will never forgive him.

He is such a good guy and I love him but why does he do this??

Please point me in some direction here as I''m out of ideas ans my heart is being ripped apart.

Thanks

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Our expert says:
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Greetings

It does seem that your husband is a sex addict and indulges in compulsive masturbation.

The fact that he doesn't care what the consequences are is proof of his addiction. He is also in denial, self-centred and selfish.

He continues his porn addiction, despite your pregnancy. He doesn't care about your feelings. That's addiction for you.

He also feels nothing about the fact that you daughter might find his porn.

I will need more information from you, such as in which city you live, so that I can direct you to the right people who can help you.

In the meantime, it's time to get tough. he has to go and see a counsellor or a sex therapist. he must attend Sex and Love Addicts meetings.

He must stop his porn addiction with immediate effect. If he doesn't, there will be consequences.

Email me at herman@harmonyclinic.co.za

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Addictions expert forum | 2010/05/22

Greetings

It does seem that your husband is a sex addict and indulges in compulsive masturbation.

The fact that he doesn't care what the consequences are is proof of his addiction. He is also in denial, self-centred and selfish.

He continues his porn addiction, despite your pregnancy. He doesn't care about your feelings. That's addiction for you.

He also feels nothing about the fact that you daughter might find his porn.

I will need more information from you, such as in which city you live, so that I can direct you to the right people who can help you.

In the meantime, it's time to get tough. he has to go and see a counsellor or a sex therapist. he must attend Sex and Love Addicts meetings.

He must stop his porn addiction with immediate effect. If he doesn't, there will be consequences.

Email me at herman@harmonyclinic.co.za

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