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Question
Posted by: pinkie | 2010/10/15

husband''s parents

i hate spending time with my mother and father in law, they''re coming tomorrow and already i feel tense. how do i deal with this? i want to make an excuse to not be here, is that so bad?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

That's maybe too vague a question for us to answer usefully. WHY do you hate spending time with them ? Has this ALWAYS been the case, or is it recemnt ? Have you discussed, at least with your mother, WHY this troubles you, and have you and she actually tried to improve the situation ?
AS your question reads, it sounds as though you're looking for a way to feel better about a bad situation, which probably itself needs to be changed. Or maybe you're just looking for a bit of approval for making and excuse and avoiding the situation ?
Surely you need to try to spend some time, maybe at first alone with your mother, discussing the basis for your feeling so bad about spending time with them, and see whether this situation itself could be changed for the better. Only if she sees no problem, or no point in trying to change, would it be worth considering avoiding such contacts, and then rather than making false excuses, maybe just say calmly to her that as these meetings just make you feel bad, you'd rather avoid getting togther ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/10/16

That's maybe too vague a question for us to answer usefully. WHY do you hate spending time with them ? Has this ALWAYS been the case, or is it recemnt ? Have you discussed, at least with your mother, WHY this troubles you, and have you and she actually tried to improve the situation ?
AS your question reads, it sounds as though you're looking for a way to feel better about a bad situation, which probably itself needs to be changed. Or maybe you're just looking for a bit of approval for making and excuse and avoiding the situation ?
Surely you need to try to spend some time, maybe at first alone with your mother, discussing the basis for your feeling so bad about spending time with them, and see whether this situation itself could be changed for the better. Only if she sees no problem, or no point in trying to change, would it be worth considering avoiding such contacts, and then rather than making false excuses, maybe just say calmly to her that as these meetings just make you feel bad, you'd rather avoid getting togther ?

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