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Question
Posted by: UNHAPPY | 2009/10/28

HUSBANDS FEMALE FRIEND

I have suspected my husband has been cheating. Confronted him and the woman. Husband is self emaployed &  says she is a client. She also says the same. He says he talks to her about our problems. shes divorced and gives him advise. Also she has stated to him that she is very happy divorced and will not remarry. On his cell bill there are days when he send more than 60 msgs to her. She gave him a cell phone worth R1000 as a gift. On his cell bill he has phoned florists as well. He has asked for a divorce. He does not want me to defend the divorce. Tells me I can have whatever I want to take like the furniture. Does not want me to use her as the breakup. We married young and are married over 21years. He had other affairs and I forgave him for the kids sake and moved on. He also is telling me indirectly that he is thinking of suicide. I am not prepared to go on any more. I want to defend this divorce. Firstly I have been the major contributor financially. I carried all the debts, clothing acc, credit cards, personal loan, car finance, school fees, tuition fees, my traavel costs. He does what he can afford. There are times when for about 6 months he sits at home. I don' t have a savings account or any retirement funds to fall back on now.
I am left in a situation where he wants me to move out of the house immediately but i don' t have money available for a rent . I earn R6500 and 50% is for credit cards, clothing, etc.
I don' t know at this stage where to turn to but I don' t want to at the same live with him.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe she is a client. ALSO a client - that doesn't answer your question about cheating. No sensible businessman talks to a client about his personal problems that is far beyond a business relaionship. And no business man sends 60 messages a day to any client. And florists ?
Then he asks for a divorce - apparently having made no attempt whatever to sort out whatever problems within the marriage are troubling him, with the aid of a marriage counsellor ?
He says he's thinking of suicide, but hasn't bothered to see a counsellor about that, either ? When you say that at times he just sits at home for 6 months, this sounds as though a more significant Depression could be a substantial part of the problem, and he should see a shrink for a proper assessment and treatment if needed. If you have been financially supporting the mariage, how will he be able to afford to live on his own, let alone see any lady friend ? And if you have carried him financially for so long, how can he demand thsat you move out of the house at all ?
You clearly do need to see a good lawyer to protect your rights, and maybe think about whether he can be encouraged to see a shrink for his own sake.


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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Mandy | 2009/10/28

Hi There

I was in a similar situation4 years ago. Everything I said against this bitch was held against me. she was right I was wrong. She was also the client. Me the breadwinner. Had to put a roof over his head, feed him and kids. I gave him an ultimatum and I let everything and everyone know about them. She has had to move to another country because I made her life hell. He has not stepped out of line ever. He knows what he will lose in me. Get out while you can. No man is worth it.

Reply to Mandy
Posted by: Woman | 2009/10/28

No, no dear, you are doing yourself a disservice here. Read over your letter againm. You do know what to do:

1) kick him out (why should he have the house when you' ve paid for most of the things in it?)
2) Defend the divorce! Divorce is about taking responsibility for your actions. Let the truth come out - also re his financial situation.

good luck to you!

Reply to Woman
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/10/28

Maybe she is a client. ALSO a client - that doesn't answer your question about cheating. No sensible businessman talks to a client about his personal problems that is far beyond a business relaionship. And no business man sends 60 messages a day to any client. And florists ?
Then he asks for a divorce - apparently having made no attempt whatever to sort out whatever problems within the marriage are troubling him, with the aid of a marriage counsellor ?
He says he's thinking of suicide, but hasn't bothered to see a counsellor about that, either ? When you say that at times he just sits at home for 6 months, this sounds as though a more significant Depression could be a substantial part of the problem, and he should see a shrink for a proper assessment and treatment if needed. If you have been financially supporting the mariage, how will he be able to afford to live on his own, let alone see any lady friend ? And if you have carried him financially for so long, how can he demand thsat you move out of the house at all ?
You clearly do need to see a good lawyer to protect your rights, and maybe think about whether he can be encouraged to see a shrink for his own sake.


Reply to cybershrink

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