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Question
Posted by: Shells | 2011/01/26

Husband''s ex wont move on...

I have been married for 11 years and have an 8 year old child with my husband, my husband has a child who is 13 from a previous relationship and this child’ s mother has been single since they split up more than 14 years ago. She is not getting any younger, but what’ s her deal? My feeling is she still wants my husband that’ s why she has not found someone else yet, she is not an unattractive person so I don’ t see what the problem is…  Why can’ t she move on…  It also affects what we do for the child because its just her we have to support him financially 100% … 

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

What she decides to do about her own life, is her own business, except if it impacts on your husband and your marriage. Let her choose not to get married - that's up to her. Its not unusual for your husband to have to suport a child of his aged 13, until the child becomes adult, when it will be up to the young man to support himself.
I am wondering why you make this your problem. You seem to be anticipating / expecting some other problems from this, which you haven't specifically revealed.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Shells | 2011/01/27

Gosh, cannot believe there are more of her our there, Anon do you have kids of your own? and if so how does this affect your kids?

Reply to Shells
Posted by: Anon | 2011/01/27

Shells

I have it worse, I have two step kids from two different mothers. 15yr old boy mother wrote her son off. So hubby has full custody, but 9yr old''s mother refuses to work since the child was 5yrs. This will be the 5th year running that both hubby and I support the 9yr old (100%) also the mother drops the child every week end so that she can party and have a single life. 9yr old mother has the 2nd boyfriend now and because she feels that I was the reason her child does not have a daddy - so I will have to support the child together with hubby.

How sick can people be - why have children then

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Shells | 2011/01/26

At Me too –  Thank you for you response however your situation seems far worst, your poor husband must be so torn, it is very childish of the mother to say he can only see the child without you that must really be hard for you. My step child’ s mother would much rather he be with us so that she can go out and party all the time so no we see and have him all the time… 
At Miich –  Custody wont be an option as it will break the child he is so devoted to his mother she can do nothing wrong in his eyes its actually quite sickening…  I just feel as though I cannot give MY child all I would like too, I chose to have one child so that I can give him the best but now its not always possible as whatever I get him the other must also get sooo frustrating.

Reply to Shells
Posted by: Me too | 2011/01/26

Well Shells i feel a bit better now. I am in the same situation. I have been married for 4 years now, me and hubby has been together for 6 years...... Same thing, she also does not want to move on. They''ve never been married, i met him while they were apart already, but she strongly believed it''s only temp, he''ll be back. We have it actually very bad, she refuses to send the child to him coz she hates me so very much, he must just pay and buy and if it suits her, her father will call hubby to come and fetch the child. Between me and hubby, we had to change our numbers more than 5 times. Only her father has the number and even her father knows how horrible she can be. Coz the ugly messages, phone calls.......He is 9 years old and believe it or not, I see the child +- 5 times per year. Hubby goes ALONE on a regular basis for a few hours, and she said if hubby wants to take the child somewhere, she wants to be with. The poor child is so confused. We tried talking to her for the child''s sake. Nope. She will not reason. The hating and fighting does not come to an end. Hubby wants to see the child every weekend, but hubby decided whenever she say it''s fine, than it''s ok to go and fetch him. I also have a 4 year old from my husband and she even hates my child. I honestly never knew people like that exist in this world. For peace sake, I will not involve myself, coz the minute she see me, ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE....... So Shells, i feel your pain and i can only say Good Luck.

Reply to Me too
Posted by: Miich | 2011/01/26

FIles for custody, she will be out your hair because the child wont be around her as much and she wont need anything for the child because the child wont be living with her.

Reply to Miich
Posted by: Shells | 2011/01/26

Its is mainly the financials that bothers me, because she does not have support and money (so she says) she can do nothing for her child everything must get bought for him from socks to food and she gets a monthy amount paid to her, which she does what with she alone know... that bothers me. She is always out having a good time but cannot provide. I feel sheis just staying single to benefit from us...

Reply to Shells
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/26

What she decides to do about her own life, is her own business, except if it impacts on your husband and your marriage. Let her choose not to get married - that's up to her. Its not unusual for your husband to have to suport a child of his aged 13, until the child becomes adult, when it will be up to the young man to support himself.
I am wondering why you make this your problem. You seem to be anticipating / expecting some other problems from this, which you haven't specifically revealed.

Reply to cybershrink

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