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Question
Posted by: Deedee | 2012/05/02

Husband''s behaviour

My husband has been very weird and it is driving me crazy. I have been ill for a while and didn''t really know what was wrong

I decided on 16 May to find another GP &  try to find what was wrong with me. Turns out I have a severely underactive thyroid and a very large gall stone. My white blood cell count was high and a few other things seem to be wrong.

So, I explained this to my hubby. He has been complaining incessantly about my tiredness - as if it is intentional. I used to try so hard to convince him I am feeling ill. I have twin boys aged 16mths, as well as an 8 yr old. Recently I have been struggling, barely coping with them. I get home at 6pm, need to cook, help with homework &  spend time with babies.

Hubby has been complaining that I am a bad mother. Yesterday he said I should act like one. How do I make him understand that I am struggling. I am not being lazy. He says he does everything for the kids - which isn''t true. The babies are more disciplined with him, so meal times go so much smoother when he does feeds. Not that I don''t help, but when one of the babies starts acting up, he takes over. he also has a tendency to take over because he believes he does a better job at whatever you are doing.

But he always criticizes me and all I do. I never seem to do the right things, especially for the babies. He will swirl their bottles around &  ask me to tell him how I prepared their formula &  comment that it doesn''t look right. If the babies throw up, it must be because of something I did. One of my little ones threw up on Monday night &  he insisted that I didn''''t burp baby. I said I did because I fed him &  put him to bed. He said he likes the way I challenge him, because he knows for a fact that baby didn''t burp. he then said that it is my fault because he saw me making extra milk for baby. I never did that. He then said I am lying.

The nanny told me this morning that when babies throw up, he will ask them if I had been playing with them or feeding them. he also talks to me like I am a child. If he drops something, he will say ''Pick it up" , or calls me &  says " Come here now" . He called me yesterday when one of the boys threw up whilst he was playing with them. I was washing dishes in the kitchen. So I said I am coming &  was rinsing the soap off my hands. He screamed at me &  told me that when he calls, I must run &  come immediately.

What do I make off this nasty behaviour. It just goes on.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I'm pleased to hear your new GP seems to be embarked on getting to the bottom of your problems. A thyroid that is underperforming ( hypothyroidism, it'll be called if you want to look it up ) can cause depression, and tiredness and lethargy, and this is very well recognized.
From the sound of it you are working, and carrying the entire burden of parenthood and the home chores - what on earth does His Majesty do to show what a wonderful father and husband he is ?
Why doesn't HE prepare the formula and show you hopw its done ? And feed and burp the kids ? Then he'd know it was all done perfectly, and might then wonder why there still could be some problems and throwings up ?
He sounds, frankly, like a piggish, selfish, self-centred slob with a severely inflated opinion of himself. Slavery was abolished in the law a long long time ago, and in this modern world, wives are not chattels and are not supposed to serve and jump to attention for the boss.
Have you discussed this, perhaps, with his mother ? Is this how he was brought up to treat all women ? Can she help to remind him of his own duties as father and husband, and that you are a wife, and not a servant ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Also a mom | 2012/05/03

Please tell your know it all husband that a baby of 16 months is not a baby anymorem but a toddler, and that toddlers dont need burping! And children can vomit from various things, not only winds.

He is treating you like a child. You need to make him understand that you are not a child but a grown up and stop responding to his orders like a child would. Insist that he treats you like an adult or refuse to respond to his orders.

Gee, maybe you should really start to do NOTHING so that he can realise what you really do.

Reply to Also a mom
Posted by: Lil | 2012/05/02

Sweetheart he will NEVER change ... you need to make changes for your own sanity and your kids! Kids will learn to disrespect you too as kids follow their parent''s behavior ... so either you will have abusive kids or totally subservient. Nail him for maintenance, get out and start a healthy life for you and your kids without him!

Reply to Lil
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/05/02

I'm pleased to hear your new GP seems to be embarked on getting to the bottom of your problems. A thyroid that is underperforming ( hypothyroidism, it'll be called if you want to look it up ) can cause depression, and tiredness and lethargy, and this is very well recognized.
From the sound of it you are working, and carrying the entire burden of parenthood and the home chores - what on earth does His Majesty do to show what a wonderful father and husband he is ?
Why doesn't HE prepare the formula and show you hopw its done ? And feed and burp the kids ? Then he'd know it was all done perfectly, and might then wonder why there still could be some problems and throwings up ?
He sounds, frankly, like a piggish, selfish, self-centred slob with a severely inflated opinion of himself. Slavery was abolished in the law a long long time ago, and in this modern world, wives are not chattels and are not supposed to serve and jump to attention for the boss.
Have you discussed this, perhaps, with his mother ? Is this how he was brought up to treat all women ? Can she help to remind him of his own duties as father and husband, and that you are a wife, and not a servant ?

Reply to cybershrink

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