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Question
Posted by: Worried,and dont know anymore! | 2012-10-07

Husbands behavior!

Hallo Dr.My hubby resigned from his job about 4 mnths ago.We sort of planned this for him to do some courses,it has finished about a mnth ago!He does contract work away from home.Soooo,we are waiting for him to get a job again.Stress is really high on this side!!
The problem is his angerlevels.He has had an anger problem since ive known him.We are married for 9 years,and have a son of 7 and a little girl of 4!
He is really nasty sometimes to the kids,shouts at them,and is very bombastic towars them if they ask him Questions he is very ubrupt and doesnt really asmwer their Question.
We are at the point where my kids is scared of him,and doesnt want him to do stuff for them like making them cereal in the morning and or help dress them.My son has a soft heart,but i noticed the last mnth or so that he is starting to copy his dad towards his sister!he talks to her like his dad talks to them or me!
My huabnad throughs stuff on the ground or pounds on it if doesnt get his way or it doesnt work properly like th TV remote.Or if he gets angry about sometthing he jumps up and walks out and swears and slams the door!This isnt new or started recently.Its just more frequent now that he is always home!!He went for therapy 3 years ago for his anger issues,i think he went 4 times,and then had to go work again!I really dont want my son to become his dad.They are really confuses,and it freaks my son out everytime my husband has a temper tantrum.He spanked them a few days ago and the marks were still there the next day,i nearly cried myself.We live in a town 400 km from the city.Everyone knows each other and he will not go to someone he knows.But am i as mother of my kids supposed to do to protect them??He doesnt hit me.He is just very aggressive and spitefull and rude,and shouts at me infront of the kids!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I'm sure you never expected this arrangement to be easy and free of stress. And for someone with existing anger problems, any source of stress tends to make these worse. But he has no excuse for being abusively angry and unpleasant to the children.
And your sons recent responses illustrate part of the problem that is caused by such a bad example. Your husband could surely control his temper more than he dopes, and may need to see someone for help to learn how to do that better ( it'll also otherwise make it far harder for him to get a job ). If private care isn't available or affordable right now, arrange to see someone at your neaest medical school dept of psychiary or psychology, or major state / provincial hospital.
Remind him that spanking especially of that severity could get him into severe trouble with the child welfare authorities, and anyhow is useless in improving kids behaviours. And his behaviour towards you is abusive, too.
Refusing to see someone he knows is mainly an excuse, as sessions with a shrink or counsellor are strictly confidential. And he needs to recognize that NOT getting help is not only damaging to you and the children, but will eventually come out and become publically known, and be far more damaging to his reputation than he imagines.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-10-08

I'm sure you never expected this arrangement to be easy and free of stress. And for someone with existing anger problems, any source of stress tends to make these worse. But he has no excuse for being abusively angry and unpleasant to the children.
And your sons recent responses illustrate part of the problem that is caused by such a bad example. Your husband could surely control his temper more than he dopes, and may need to see someone for help to learn how to do that better ( it'll also otherwise make it far harder for him to get a job ). If private care isn't available or affordable right now, arrange to see someone at your neaest medical school dept of psychiary or psychology, or major state / provincial hospital.
Remind him that spanking especially of that severity could get him into severe trouble with the child welfare authorities, and anyhow is useless in improving kids behaviours. And his behaviour towards you is abusive, too.
Refusing to see someone he knows is mainly an excuse, as sessions with a shrink or counsellor are strictly confidential. And he needs to recognize that NOT getting help is not only damaging to you and the children, but will eventually come out and become publically known, and be far more damaging to his reputation than he imagines.

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