Our expert says:
Wow, that's a really long question !
But I tend to agree with Bongi.
You are not pathetic because you can't understand your husband's thoughtless and careless behaviour. Any child is hard work, and twins the more so, And if they were born premature and weak its very understandable that you could feel nervous about caring for them, if they came home still seeming fragile. Especially as you had previously lost a baby due to illness.
It's good that he was helpful when there were problems with the babies, though that ought to be routine for any good father.
By the way "all other women" absolutely do NOT carry their children while they cook, especially where there are twins - that would be awkward, difficult, and not entirely safe for the children.
Its interesting, though, that you notice that both kids are more demanding, attention-seeking, and clinging when with you than when with him. Watch and try to work mout how he is behaving differently from you in ways that might influence this difference in how they respond.
He should be able to see that you are indeed doing your best, and that your best is good. Undermining your self-confidence is no way to help you.
Interesting that he considers the homework to be entirely your chore - does he feel less able to deal with educational matters ? You can obviously manage that and other childcare, but maybe not within the narrow space of time before the little ones need to be set for sleep. Can the older one ( I'm guessing that the twins don't have homework yet !) work on his homework after the twins have gone to sleep ?
DO discuss all this with your doctor, and check on the backache and stomach ache and other issues - they may well be related to having carried the extra weight of twins, but if there is any physical problem, it needs to be sorted out, too.
You deserve a lot more than credit for trying, and your husband is falling short in regard to his duties to help and support you. And he needs to help you get enough sleep to recover from this tough time - nobody who lacks sleep feels well.
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