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Question
Posted by: Khatija | 2012/03/02

Husband with mood disorder wants to be alone,what do I do?

My husband has recently been diagnosed with a mood disorder.Ive known him for 7 years ,married for 2 and i have never noticed or seen the way he behaves although he insists its always been there.He is on medication,it helped wonderfully for 2 months.last week hes been looking sad,not talking much.I spoke to him about it last night and he says he doesnt wan tto tell me when hes feeling out of it cos i always want to help.He say i must leave him alone and not ask how he is or try to make him feel better cos he does not know what he is feeling.we are so close normally that we talk late into the night from our day to analysing movies to the strangest things.he calls and bbm''s me several times a day.Am i now supposed to just shut myself out? will this help him? i asked him to at least just tell me" im feeling sick"  then i know to back off,or else how do i know if he is angry with me or the kids or something happened at work,how must i know wen he is sick n wen its something else if he wont tell me??? Can stress or an argument with ex spouse bring the mood on? he says its not triggered by anything,i dont agree.How do i help him?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK, to get a proper diagnosis, and medication, he has to have seen a doctor, either a GP, or, even better, a local psychiatrist.
Interesting that he says he doesn't tell you when he's feeling bad BECAUSE you then want to help. Would he prefer that you would NOT want to help ? A more important issue to discuss would be HOW to help.
He's probably right that you are not causing wither the disorder or the episodes, but he should be gently persuaded that you need to know more about how this is affecting him, and to know what you can do that will and won't be helpful ; to recognize that while you enjoy long chats together when he's well, you need some way of knowing when he wants to suspend the chatting, and for how wrong.
And if the treatment for his depression isn't working so well now, maybe he needs to be sure to discuss this with his doc as it may need revising, and if he is being treated only by a GP, it'd be useful for him to be referred to a psychiatrist for a fresh opinion on diagnosis and treatment.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Khatija | 2012/03/05

Hi
Thank you.He is seeing a psycologist(professor).I feel like i need one too.next appointment is 23 March< in the meantime we had a HUGE fight. its a mess.Thank you for replying.

Reply to Khatija
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/03/03

OK, to get a proper diagnosis, and medication, he has to have seen a doctor, either a GP, or, even better, a local psychiatrist.
Interesting that he says he doesn't tell you when he's feeling bad BECAUSE you then want to help. Would he prefer that you would NOT want to help ? A more important issue to discuss would be HOW to help.
He's probably right that you are not causing wither the disorder or the episodes, but he should be gently persuaded that you need to know more about how this is affecting him, and to know what you can do that will and won't be helpful ; to recognize that while you enjoy long chats together when he's well, you need some way of knowing when he wants to suspend the chatting, and for how wrong.
And if the treatment for his depression isn't working so well now, maybe he needs to be sure to discuss this with his doc as it may need revising, and if he is being treated only by a GP, it'd be useful for him to be referred to a psychiatrist for a fresh opinion on diagnosis and treatment.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Obvious | 2012/03/02

As he is on medication he is obviously consulting a health proffesional. Go to the next consultation and discuss your concerns

Reply to Obvious

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