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Question
Posted by: Debbie | 2010-11-30

Husband says I''m frigid

What am I supposed to do?

Two months ago my mother-in-law moved in with us much to my dismay. She sleeps in the bedroom next door to ours, and I am just not uncomfortable getting frisky with my husband anymore.
She is a busy body who even walks into our bedroom when we have said Good Night.

I am quite a vocal person in bed, and like to communicate how good something feels when my husband is performing... and really don''t enjoy sex where we have to be quite and feel like we are sneaking around in our own bedroom.

The way I feel at the moment, I just don''t want sex. When we happen to have a free moment (like when she is away for dinner eg) my hubby jumps at the opportunity to get bust - but still I don''t want to.

What do we do? This feels like it is already cracking our relationship, and I can see my hubby is frustrated that I always have an excuse when it comes to sex...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

You may feel the way you do - it can inhibit your spontaneous 'sexcapades', BUT you will have to decide what is important to you. Is mother-in-law worth losing a relationship for? The best will be if you and your husband call a family conference and lay down some rules, e.g no room visists after 20h00. In this day and age, this is often an economical arrangement as pensioners battle to survive financially. If this arrangement is permanent , move her to another room. It is your house. If there is not another room, explain to her that if she comes into your room, she may see things she does not want to see OR lock your door OR play some loud music OR offer her some ear muffs. Perhaps if she hears you cheering on your husband's performance, she may change her mind on the living arrangements. Perhaps you deep down you want to punish your husband for his mother's intrusion in your household and therefor withhold sex - NOT A GOOD IDEA! Do a bit of introspection and get clarity on how far you are willing to sacrifice what is important to you. Deidre - SASHA

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Woman | 2010-12-01

wow, thanks Annie for the compliment, but the only thing I do know for a fact, is that I know nothing :) And I agree, the " new"  sexologist seems to be waaaay more in touch with the emotional side and gives great advice!

Reply to Woman
Posted by: annie | 2010-11-30

yeah forgot to say_this sexologist seems really good.i dont like others though.

Reply to annie
Posted by: annie | 2010-11-30

bravo Woman.u r great as always.just surprised how can one person know that much about life as it is!!!!!!

Reply to annie
Posted by: ABC | 2010-11-30

Stay vocal. Think she''ll " decide"  to move...

Reply to ABC
Posted by: Woman | 2010-11-30

Remember, Zee, that women work different to men. Women need to feel emotionally secure to be sexually free and men need to be sexually free in order to feel emotionally secure. What many people don''t realise, is that this requires trust between two people. Understanding that and accepting respecting the difference, will already make your marriage better.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Zee | 2010-11-30

Women always complain. You complaining about not wanting to have sex when there is a clear opportunity to do so (when mother in llaw) is out. How do you think your husbands feels when you deny him during that time. Watch out, you will be complaining too when he loses interest in you and gets it somewhere else. Sorry, I know not all women are like this (the better ones are those who still lust their partner even after marriage). Isnt a marriage a compromise in almost everything

Reply to Zee
Posted by: RawRandy | 2010-11-30

threesome?

Reply to RawRandy
Posted by: Joe | 2010-11-30

Why not see this as a freaky and sneaky opportunity? Let it be a fantasy that someone could be listening

Reply to Joe
Posted by: derek | 2010-11-30

How do u guys feel about this.,i am living with my inlaws and thier bedroom is next to our room. iwe have to whisper every time we having sex not on......

Reply to derek
Posted by: jelly | 2010-11-30

Sing it out loud, she will move herself or your husband will move her or she will get a vibrator.

Reply to jelly
Posted by: XXX | 2010-11-30

It is good to hear that there still some vocal women out there expressing their pleasure whilst making love.
Vocal or not though,you cannot have your mother in law in the room next to yours ! I would at the very least keep your door locked when you have said " goodnight"  to her.
Is there not another room in the house ?

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Woman | 2010-11-30

Same here, when we''re living in the same house as either my mom or my mom-in-law, I don''t feel as if i can really let go. The last time - i stopped my husband because the bed was creaking too loudly. (we ended up on the floor, but I''m sure they all knew). If it makes us uncomfortable, we don''t want to, easy as that. Why don''t you ask your hubby top take you away for a weekend for just the two of you (grandma can look after house/pets/kids) and then you show him just how *hot* you can be (make sure you blow his mind several times.

Then after the weekend, nudge him gently towards the idea of moving gran to an old age home/ hospice/ granny flat that is not in your house. Neither my parents or my in-law''s will live with us, a courtesy, they say, as they know how it feels.

Anyway, a castle can only have one queen - and she who is queen, holds the scepter in her hand - if it''s mom, you''re in trouble, dear and you need to take it back.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: A lady | 2010-11-30

I would be frigid too having my mother in law living in the bedroom next to mine. I too am very vocal and love to show my enjoyment of the act, but this is impossible when there are other ears in the house.

Reply to A lady
Posted by: a man | 2010-11-30

I can understand how you feel, it must make things very awkward. This is not going to improve unless she moves out or much further away from your bedroom. Having a mother in law living with you is a recipe for disaster anyway, no one should have their mother in law living with them.

Reply to a man
Posted by: sexologist | 2010-11-30

You may feel the way you do - it can inhibit your spontaneous 'sexcapades', BUT you will have to decide what is important to you. Is mother-in-law worth losing a relationship for? The best will be if you and your husband call a family conference and lay down some rules, e.g no room visists after 20h00. In this day and age, this is often an economical arrangement as pensioners battle to survive financially. If this arrangement is permanent , move her to another room. It is your house. If there is not another room, explain to her that if she comes into your room, she may see things she does not want to see OR lock your door OR play some loud music OR offer her some ear muffs. Perhaps if she hears you cheering on your husband's performance, she may change her mind on the living arrangements. Perhaps you deep down you want to punish your husband for his mother's intrusion in your household and therefor withhold sex - NOT A GOOD IDEA! Do a bit of introspection and get clarity on how far you are willing to sacrifice what is important to you. Deidre - SASHA

Reply to sexologist

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