Posted by: Lucy | 2009-02-16

Husband reportnig me to my parents

Hi Doc, as i send this message i am so very confused and angry.Pardon me it will be long so that you may understand.<br><br>When i married hubby in 2004 things seemed not to be good at all because whenever we had problems he would tell my parents and his parents too, they once came to our place to resolve the issue then thing sgot better, he is one person who does wrong things and sees himself right always, when i try to talk to him he says i talk too much, So since then his parents has seen me as bad person to their son<br><br>Now he always goeshome to seee his parents every weekend, but when i' m with my parents just for one day he will phone several times and asks as to when am i coming back, he always leaves his clothes scattered on the floor and when i tell him to put things in order he syas i talk too much, on saturday we had an argument where i started shouting at him then he phoned my parents to tell them that i don' t respect him, and to my surprise my parents are now on his side they say i am the wrong one i should respect him no matter what , i am in so much pain and so disgraced that i feel so betrayed by my parents. i feel so alone now that they are on his side, they support him to the fullest, i told them that he is wrong because sometimes he would phone and says he is not coming back from work until in the morning but he tells lies he is seeing his girlfriends, they say i should respect him. i feel so angry about all this , this morning he greeted me but i kept quite because i am very angry, the he phoned my mother to tell her that i don' t respond when he talks to me,i am so fedup in such a way that i think of divorcing him or commiting suicide, i am 5 months pregnant i also think of my baby that i' m carrying, what do i do please help my life is so mixed up i don t know what to do anymore.

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Our expert says:
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Hi Lucy, <br>This must have been really frustrating for you. THis family reminds me of a very old song, which had the chorus : " She brings her father, her mother,<br> Her sister and her brother,<br> Oh I never see Maggie alone,<br> She brings her uncles and cousins,<br> She's got 'em by the dozens,<br> I never see Maggie alone ... " <br>People who demand that they must be respected, need to take care to behave in ways that deserve to be respected. And no woman, EVER, should be expected to respect a man who is cheating on her. And of course being pregnant now makes the situation even more difficult for you. Don't even think of suicide --- why punish yourself for his bad behaviour ? Divorce or at least separation could, I see, be tempting. Is it not possible, between events, to talk calmly with him, and maybe even also with both families, and arrange for him to join you in proper, expert marriage counselling ? If it helps, to get his agreement, for you to have them all see this as a way for him to work with the assistance of the counsellor, to sort out the problems he insists YOU are causing, so be it --- no competent counsellor would actually take sides like that, but once he is committed to the process, the counsellor can be even-handed in identifying the real source of the problems, and help you to work together towards finding proper solutions for them<br>

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Our users say:
Posted by: Aud | 2009-02-17

Hi Lucy

I can very much identify with you. My fiancee also recently did the same. Worse he ran to his parents and said that I am a drunkard. This only because i went to see my friend and went to the shops without telling him. His mother then went to see my aunt about the matter. There are other issues involving money which i do not want to get intol I am so hurt and feel like i cannot go on with a mommy' s boy. He also does not want to be told when he is wrong, sort of untouchable , i do not respect him and like fighting blah blah. So tired of this nonsense.

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