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Question
Posted by: Susan | 2009/07/09

Husband now in prison

Dear Sir,
I' ve been married for 26 years now during which my family and I went through a lot of trial. We are in a terrible financial situation since my husband lost his job a few months ago. His UIF claims are taking sooo long to process and it really is a battle to put bread on the table.

My husband was caught stealing a packet of chicken and a small box of washing powder. He is now in a police cell. My children are taking this badly and I hardly cope well. What is wrong with me ... I am extremely dissapointed that my husband could even think of doing something like that, but I also know it is difficult to say to your children that we only have bread to eat. The thing is that I still love him .... I just don' t know what to do or how we can fix our marriage. Why cant I just hate him, divorce him and carry on with life ? I care deeply for him and I know his problems and yet I alswys loved him.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its sad when the bureaucracy that looks after itself so very well, fails to help those who need help, when they actually need it. There is nothing wrong with you for finding this a very upsetting experience. Stealing will not be taken lightly, but this sounds like an unusually severe reaction to minor shoplifting in a family with such serious financial problems, and a first offense. And more senior people accued of far more massive crimes, remain "suspended" for years on full pay, while able to delay any resolution of their cases. Can you arrange to see a social worker or probation officer, so the court, when this gets to court, can understand the circumstances ? Of course you still love him, and he loves you. He didn't steal luxuries, only things he presumably felt the family needed and which he wasnt able to buy for you. Do not be ashamed of your love for him, and feel proud of your love for each other. What other resources might you be able to call on, within the larger family and relatives of you and him ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: CTMOM | 2009/07/09

You love him and know that he only did it for you and your kids. I think he was feeling beyond desperate.

I think the judge might be lenient due to the reasons. I hope he is! I would be.

If you in Cape Town, I can offer him a job. CS, is there a way I can get her my contact details?

Reply to CTMOM
Posted by: CTMOM | 2009/07/09

You love him and know that he only did it for you and your kids. I think he was feeling beyond desperate.

I think the judge might be lenient due to the reasons. I hope he is! I would be.

If you in Cape Town, I can offer him a job. CS, is there a way I can get her my contact details?

Reply to CTMOM
Posted by: CTMOM | 2009/07/09

You love him and know that he only did it for you and your kids. I think he was feeling beyond desperate.

I think the judge might be lenient due to the reasons. I hope he is! I would be.

If you in Cape Town, I can offer him a job. CS, is there a way I can get her my contact details?

Reply to CTMOM
Posted by: CTMOM | 2009/07/09

You love him and know that he only did it for you and your kids. I think he was feeling beyond desperate.

I think the judge might be lenient due to the reasons. I hope he is! I would be.

If you in Cape Town, I can offer him a job. CS, is there a way I can get her my contact details?

Reply to CTMOM
Posted by: Liza | 2009/07/09

Contact FAMSA for some counseling for you, your husband and your children together. If you love your husband and the only reason why you would want a divorce is to get rid of some of the difficult circumstances - it won' t work. But if both of you can work together at resolving issues and supporting each other, that will give positive results.

I sincerely hope that bail isn' t too much and you can at least afford that!

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Donut | 2009/07/09

Hi Susan,

Are you bringing in an income of any sort to help out at home? You say you have been married for 26 yrs, which may possibly mean that you have adult children. Are any of them assisting in any way?

Reply to Donut
Posted by: Donut | 2009/07/09

Hi Susan,

Are you bringing in an income of any sort to help out at home? You say you have been married for 26 yrs, which may possibly mean that you have adult children. Are any of them assisting in any way?

Reply to Donut

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