advertisement
Question
Posted by: Chris | 2011/08/25

Husband not trying to find new job

My husband was retrenched at the beginning of this year. He was given four months salary and cashed in his pension (which was small as he was only with the company for two years). The problem is that he refuses to look for a new job. He sleeps until 12 or 1pm then does one small project (takes the dog to the vet or the microwave to be fixed) and tells me how much he is achieving by staying at home. Our seventeen year old son is in matric and the situation is a huge stress on him, but he can''t discuss it with his dad. No amount of discussion from my side changes the situation. He justs ignores me or tells me that the correct job will come to him!! I am very frustrated and growing afraid. I earn much less than he did and we can''t survive on my salary. The bond on our house is almost my whole salary. This is the third time in 5 years that his is at home. The first time he resigned after 10 years at his company and took 9 months to find a job. Then he did not even stay with the job for a year and again resigned. He was at home for 7 months. He then got the job where he has been retrenched. When he works, he does work hard and is always commended by employers for excellence. It feels as if sitting at home has become a pattern with him.How can I get him to try and get a job?

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

getting retrenched can be profoundly disappointing and depressing, for anyone. He may be reluctant to l;ook for a new job, or pessimistic about geting one, but refusing to even look is a rather excessive response.
He knows that jobs don't come knocking on the door looking for you. His history of resignations suggest that even if he's actually good at his job, he may have problems getting on with people, and especially in persevering when any difficulties arise. And defeatist, as in the present and the twom previous examples. If a friendly pep talk from you won't work, is there anyone he would listen to ? Would he pay attention if you pointed out how negatively he is affecting his son at a very crucial time in the boy's life ? Is his family accessable, and could they help ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Jenny | 2011/08/28

Chris, your husband saying that the correct job will come to him is kind of like that story where there''s a flood and the guy is sitting on his roof. The neighbors in their boat, a rescue boat and a helicopter all ask if they can help him and he says, ''''no, God will save me'''' and then he drowns. Then in heaven he asked God why didn''t he save him and God replied that he sent two boats and a helicopter, what more did the guy expect. My point is, jobs just don''t go LOOKING for people, and you need to tell your husband that. You may feel silly doing this and he may get angry but you need to explain to him that companies advertise for a job and he needs to apply. With all the potential candidates out there, does your husband really expect a company to go to the trouble of trying to find him? No. There''s that saying that opportunities are usually missed because they are disguised as hard work. If he still won''t listen, ask him, really, how does he expect the household to survive on your income. How does he expect to survive his golden years if he''s not working to save for them?

Reply to Jenny
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/08/27

getting retrenched can be profoundly disappointing and depressing, for anyone. He may be reluctant to l;ook for a new job, or pessimistic about geting one, but refusing to even look is a rather excessive response.
He knows that jobs don't come knocking on the door looking for you. His history of resignations suggest that even if he's actually good at his job, he may have problems getting on with people, and especially in persevering when any difficulties arise. And defeatist, as in the present and the twom previous examples. If a friendly pep talk from you won't work, is there anyone he would listen to ? Would he pay attention if you pointed out how negatively he is affecting his son at a very crucial time in the boy's life ? Is his family accessable, and could they help ?

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Blueseal | 2011/08/26

Hi Chris,

I''m in the same boat I have a 2 year old and my partner(we are not married) lost his job when my son was 9 months. This was in 2009 since then I think he got 2 odd jobs he worked for about 2months and the other one for 1month.

Since I got pregnant I never got anything from him I went to the doctor alone I have support my child by myself since he was born. And honestly I can take it I''m at the point were I want to end this relationship but at the same time I ask myself if I will be able to raise my son on my own till when and what if I meet someone will that person love my son as his? I don''t know what to do anymore.

Reply to Blueseal

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement