Posted by: Lee | 2009-09-15

Husband not IN LOVE with me anymore

Last night my husband told me he does not feel the " same"  about us anymore. He says he still loves me but he is not IN love with me. My whole world has collapsed. He says there is no one else &  have been feeling like this for a few months but did not have the heart to tell me. We have been together for 11 years &  married for 4 years. I have so many emotions &  thoughts that I cannot think straight. He says he is the problem and not me &  needs " time" . Do I give him the time &  be patient &  hope it gets better? Could he maybe mistake this for neglect or something else? I want to save my marraige. What do I do? Please help!

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Our expert says:
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Most of us, before very long, don't feel exactly the same about a lot of things that are still important to us --- but instead of giving up on a relatonship, we work to get it right again, maybe in a new and improved way. TIME heals nothing in relationships. Mariage counselling would be a good idea, to explore what can and should be done.

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Our users say:
Posted by: almost mad | 2009-09-17

He may have feelings for someone else. But if that is not the case then you need to think of what would make him fall in love again. often fun things like a weekend away at a fun holiday resort (slides/pools/games) or going out to a dance club and having a fun time helps. Go on a date. A propper date where you dress up nice etc. Date nights have always helped me when I felt distant from my fiance. I wear something sexy, buy new dress etc. I hope it isnt anyone else. If it is another women I suggest you let him go.

Reply to almost mad
Posted by: Jenny | 2009-09-16

at least he told you. I would not say that he is having an affair but I would advise you to keep your eyes open. I can also feel that my husband of 4 years is not inlove with me anymore but he will never admit it. And when this emotion develops it is difficult but as long as you love yourself and he sees you are positive REGARDLESS he will soon change, if not you will stil be okay. When men sense any form of insecurity, they take advantage. In a time like this affairs are very likely to happen and when it does the beginning phase is soooo great but when they realise Oh damn she is not all that when the lust fades that is when he will suddenly fall inlove with you again and then you have to decide! Good luck but NEVER let yourself go for anyone EVER regardless of the circumstances.

Reply to Jenny
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-09-15

My opinion (and I speak from experience): He is in love with someone else or he has a crush on someone else.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Bozo | 2009-09-15

Yep he is having an affair, and wants to further that relationship.

Reply to Bozo
Posted by: kat | 2009-09-15

Hi Lee. Let me tell you that at some point or another, one, or both parties in a relationship, fall out of love, but they still love eachother, and stick together, and before they know it, they' ve fallen back in love again. He will soon come to his senses and feel like kicking himself for falling out of love with this wonderful woman that fills his heart with happiness. Try not to be down about it. Over the years, I have found that " bad vibes"  in the home enviroment, just drag situations out even longer, if not make them worse. Your husband is in the slump. You need to clumb out of your slump first, and when he sees how happy you are, he will want to climb out too so that he can join you!

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