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Question
Posted by: LMH | 2010/03/24

Husband / marriage problems

I don''t really like my husband anymore. I don''t like it when he touches me and I normally move away. We have a 1year old son. I had PND and think that I am over it. I did " put my husband asside"  after birth and he was patient but got frustrated with me sometimes as I didn''t take note of him at all sometimes or tried to be there for him. I couldn''t even bare looking at him naked or being naked infront of him, so we haven''t done " it"  for about 18months. When I thought I would try again to save our relationship I discovered porno on his cellphone, he said it was only once. Now I think there is someone else also because he works late sometimes, but he keeps on telling me that there isn''t anyone else. I don''t trust him at all anymore. What should I do? I don''t know if I should leave him or not.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like he's been understanding and considerate, and is not being punished for that. I wonder whether that PND is truly over yet. If you've evaded sex and avoided affection for 18 months, it's a tribute to his fidelity that he's only looked at some tiny naughty pictures on his cell-phone !
Discuss your loss of liido with your doctor ; if you've only been treated by a GP, see a p[roperly specialist psychiatrist for a re-assesment ; clear up your depression properly, and work in marriage counselling at sorting things out between you.
Sensible responses all round, which you need to take seriously

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Our users say:
Posted by: Lady Man | 2010/03/25

Lady you are the problem. Now you blame your husband for trying to look for relieve elsewere. You should have a very good and open discussion with your husband. You can only blame yourself if he did find it with someone else. I hope he did.

Reply to Lady Man
Posted by: Phil | 2010/03/25

Come on, you can''t be serious? You treat your husband like a Lepper, and then you wanna leave him when you find porn or find out he had an affair? He should have left you 12 months ago! Hell, any normla guy would have left you! So he must be one hell of a good man. And lady, PND for how you treated your husband is no excsue, wake up.

Reply to Phil
Posted by: James | 2010/03/25

I cant agree more with Woman. The problem is you not your husband!!!

Reply to James
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/03/25

Sounds like he's been understanding and considerate, and is not being punished for that. I wonder whether that PND is truly over yet. If you've evaded sex and avoided affection for 18 months, it's a tribute to his fidelity that he's only looked at some tiny naughty pictures on his cell-phone !
Discuss your loss of liido with your doctor ; if you've only been treated by a GP, see a p[roperly specialist psychiatrist for a re-assesment ; clear up your depression properly, and work in marriage counselling at sorting things out between you.
Sensible responses all round, which you need to take seriously

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Woman | 2010/03/24

What? You don''t have sex with your husband for 18 months and then YOU" RE hurt and angry after finding porn on his phone?! Bloody hell!! Did you know that a man physically needs sex in order to function? And yes, I would not be surprised if he did find it somewhere else, frankly. You need to be rational about this - he needs to relieve his pressure, having a sexless relationship was not his choice. You effectively opened the door for all that.

If you have no libido, it could be caused by anti-depressants. You should have spoken to your doctor a long time ago.

If you''re not on meds and you say you''re not depressed, you''re lying. Low libido is a symptom. As a PND sufferer, let me tell you - this is not normal! And the man you have a 2 year old with loves you enough not to cheat (or so he says). He must love you very much to stay.Most men don''t.

I think your first step must be an appointment with a psychiatrist. Your second step would have to be counselling. Because speaking about sex as " it"  shows that you have sexual issues that needs to be sorted out. Married people should be having sex, my dear. It''s abnormal for a couple to not be able to talk about wants and needs. And to fulfill wants and needs is part and package of your vows.

Just think.. do you *really* want to be a single mother of a 2 year old? Is it really worth all the heartache because you have marital issues? Before you make any decisions - consider not only what effect your actions of today will have, not only on your child, but on your grandchildren.

If you feel divorce could only have a positive effect, by all means leave. But I don''t think your issues are divorce-issues. He sounds like he loves you very much.

Reply to Woman

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