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Question
Posted by: Talia2 | 2008/06/30

Husband looking for trouble

On mothers day my husband went to visit his sons (from a previous marriage) for the day (we had an argument that morning). I knew the ex-wife was there but he denied it. Then his son let slip last week that the ex-wife was there. Now yesterday he finally owns up and says he did spend the day with her & his 2 children) (never mind me and my 2 children!). Yesterday he deliberately picks a fight with our son (he has been doing this for years), then proceeds to throw his sandwhich against the wall and then kicks the sandwhich all over the floor and storms out of the house. Last night when I said Im going to the shop he refers to our 2 children as "those things". I am seriously considering leaving him. He will never change and he will always lie when it comes to the ex-wife. Does this sound like a man who is happy? I am so confused because part of me wants to believe he does love me but part of me says "dont be a fool".

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I gather that the two children he is insulting ae progeny of you and him, so deserving of as much care from him as from you. Men obviously ought to be much more careful about how they relate to their ex-wife compared to their present wife, though sometimes they lie about seeing her, not because there's anything sinister going on there, but because they're scared that you will become very upset --- the lie being to try to avoid an argument, as most men realize they are useless at arguments about any emotional issue.
COuldn't you persuade him to join you in marriage counselling ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Phil | 2008/06/30

All I can say, if anyone ever talks to or about my kids like that! They will be out the door and will never be allowed back!

Reply to Phil
Posted by: vvv | 2008/06/30

Although u r a couple, but u will never be able to fix his problems for him, like he can not fix yours. So if you tried and not working out, then leave him for your own happiness. Simplify your life, and make a difference for yourself and your children. Be responsible!

Reply to vvv
Posted by: Ruby | 2008/06/30

I think it's time to listen to the part of you saying "don't be a fool".

He has insulted you by spending Mother's Day with the ex and their children. Don't just brush it off. Tell him things better change in your relationship or you will leave him.

Good luck.

Reply to Ruby
Posted by: Kb | 2008/06/30

So he was caught out and feeling guilty, not knowing how to handle it so he insults the kids and throws food round. Nice example to set. See how things go, if you are still not happy leave him. Its your happiness that matters, not his. Another thing, the ex will always be their.........

Reply to Kb
Posted by: John | 2008/06/30

When something unusual happens but you get used to it after a while, the process is called habituation. Like if you live near a railway line, you don't hear the trains after while. I am horrified at your casual description of the fate of the sandwhich. I have seen a few losses of self-control in my time - all of them amusing now the dangerous weapons have been removed - but the throwing around of food, kicking it, is brand new. Get out of that destructive relationship as I can't help feeling that the food you gave him is being used as a surrogate for your butt. Next time, he may physically attack you. Leave him, take your things (what kind of man refers to his children as 'those things' unless he hates them) and go.

Reply to John
Posted by: koos | 2008/06/30

thats why there is a ex-wife,he did the same to her!

Reply to koos

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