Our expert says:
So, if I understand you, it's not so much about him being directly abusive from his own agenda, but him being insensitive and unsupportive when, in regard to your own life events, you feel the need for sensitivity and support ?
If we shift focus somewhat, from your needs not being met, especially if these events are shared crises, is it possibly a part of the problem, that he himself feels anxious and insecure when faced with such mutual crises, and maybe even when he realizes that you are facing some personal crisis, and feels inadequate and unable to respond helpfully, so he withdraws and is unhelpful ? It may be that what you interpret as "abusive" behaviour is not intended or even perceived that way by him ; and insisting on interpreting it as abuse and nothing else may actually hinder finding a resolution.
Maybe also, there needs in counselling to be more emphasis on helping you to become more competent and confident about handling your own crises, from whatever source, rather than seeing his support as essential to enable you to cope well with them.
Its sad thay tou apparently abandoned therapy because you resented the therapist not "CONFRONTING" your husband about what you consider to be abusive behaviour. Confrontation is massively over-rated and very often destructive and unhelpful, and I think some of the worst abusers around these days are the idiots who keep convincing people that the solution to their problem lies in "confrontation". Negotation is almost always more effective.
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