Posted by: zee | 2009-04-01

husband just not interested

please help, have been married over 10yrs and husband not having any form of intimacy with me at all. Before we married our sex life was great but over the years it has dried up, the last time we had sex was over a year ago. Im so confused, im not unattractive and take care of myself but he just shows no interest.When i try to initiate intimacy i can actually feel him flinch, Ive tried everything to get him interested but nothing works, he says he loves me but when i try and speak to him about our relationship he says nothing. He has had a few affairs during our marriage but i forgave him and i know he freqented prostitutes in his early twenties ( before i knew him)
I feel so depressed and unloved. I dont know what changed him as soon as we married as since then he could never maintain an errection during intercourse and has never been able to ejaculate during sex either, he used to masterbate alot and he saw nothing wrong in that even though i was lying next to him. We are both in our mid fourties and have no children due to fertility issues on my side, although i have never admitted to any fertility specialist that my husband and i dont have sex, i felt too ashamed to say anything. please advise me because i really dont want to lose my marriage but at the same time i know i cant carry on in this unloving relationship. many thanks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

sounds like your partner has erectile dysfunction. In this situation it is common for men to AVOID intimacy that might lead to sex becasue they are not going to set themselves up for failure. A cuddle for a woman is just that - for a man its the beginning of sex. What you see as intimacy and loving he sees as foreplay. You need to discuss his ED with him, explaining that it is often due to a physical reason, its very common after 40 and 99% treatable and is no reflection on his manhood - then get him to a sexologist that can sort out the undelying issues ( normally its High blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes or a side effect of some other medication)
ED can be the first symptom of a serious physical problem - get him evaluated.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: topdog | 2009-04-02

hi zee,wats are u.hubby is getting it else where

Reply to topdog
Posted by: Mamma Mia | 2009-04-02

Dear Zee,

I can truly relate to your problem Been married for 26 years, husband is on bp meds since the age of 16 and definitely there is very little to no sex drive left there. It is hard to accept that and he also does not like to talk about it and if sex happens it is like once a leap year. So I feel your pain, rejection etc etc. If only we could get through to our men that they are not failures and that there are other ways that they can pleasure us which may be equally or even more so pleasing. I suppose I am lucky still as he has never had an affair so I do not feel that I am not good enough but feel sorry for him as he, without talking about it must be suffering on some level and then when he is in a bad mood or has a temper I put it down to sexual frustration. You see one makes excuses. My hubby would never go to a sexologist, being old school that is just not kosher what if somone had to see him. Poor usm, you are not alone

Reply to Mamma Mia

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