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Question
Posted by: Lira | 2009-11-16

Husband Issues

We were on separation and went back together a month ago. I moved out of our home because he was cheating on me and we were busy with divorce proceedings but that didn' t materialized and we both decided to give it another try. two weeks back i discovered that he is still seeing his mistress and was devasted and got very depressed. I moved in and out of our marital home and spent a lot of time with my former flat mates.

Now he blames me for being and incompentent wife who doesn' t know what she wants in life. He says he gave me a chance to fix our relationship but instead of that I was busy with my friends and didn' t put any effort to mend our marriage. By the way, he denies that he is still seeing his mistress but he is they are alway on the phone, he even talks with her in our home during the wee hours of the morning. I think I should give up this whole thing and forget about him but letting go is not easy.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If there were good reasons for separation, they are not changed by mere promises, and it usually requires serious therapy to change things enough to justify getting back together with any genuine expectation of things working out.
Don't allow him to lame you for what he chose to do - you didn't force him to take a mistress, nor to go back to her while pretending to be trying to heal your relationship.
How big of him to "give you a chance to fix our elationship" - it is never possible for just one of a couple to "fix" a relationship, especially not if the other is still cheating.
Letting go may not be easy at first, but i gets easier, and gives you the freedom to create a new and productive life, rather than depending on an undependable cheater

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: MAY | 2009-11-16

HI

I agree with the panel so far,it might be hard now but in the end worth it leaving is your only option.even if you forgive him and try to save the marrige you will start becoming ensecure and have a low self esteem and u will never trust him again.god created you for a purpose and sometimes we think of how many yaers we spent with out partners all the memories and that makes us want to patch things up,we should be stong and allow ourselfs more in life coz we are worth more!

Reply to MAY
Posted by: Anon | 2009-11-16

Hi , I agree with H... its time to move on. I know its not easy but rather now than later when it hurts even more. Good Luck

Reply to Anon
Posted by: h | 2009-11-16

It' s not easy to move, but it clearly is necessary. You tried, he' s still cheating. There is no option but to leave.
Go live your life, go enjoy your life. You are worth it, you know!
Letting go allows you the opportunity to explore other avenues for happiness.

Good luck.

Reply to h
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009-11-16

If there were good reasons for separation, they are not changed by mere promises, and it usually requires serious therapy to change things enough to justify getting back together with any genuine expectation of things working out.
Don't allow him to lame you for what he chose to do - you didn't force him to take a mistress, nor to go back to her while pretending to be trying to heal your relationship.
How big of him to "give you a chance to fix our elationship" - it is never possible for just one of a couple to "fix" a relationship, especially not if the other is still cheating.
Letting go may not be easy at first, but i gets easier, and gives you the freedom to create a new and productive life, rather than depending on an undependable cheater

Reply to cybershrink

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