Posted by: jj | 2011-07-22

Husband is changing

Hi, need professional help and not sure what to do or who to speak to. I have been married for 8yrs but know my husband for 16yrs. In May 2011 we had for the first time a major argument. I found out the he lied about how much he was earning. It was so bad that we then stop talking to each other and weekends he would come home early hours of the morning which he never ever did. One evening on one of the weekends that we were not speaking, he was sleeping in the lounge and I went through his cell phone &  read sexual texts from him to a female &  visa versa. That just killed me. When I confronted him he said it started with him talking about what he want to do to me sexually and telling her how he misses me. I know that he did not sleep with this woman. But any way the only way I gave it another chance was he said he will get a marriage councillor which up to date we have not seen 1.

Thursday night, 21/07/2011 he actually swore (p@e$$) at me and he thought it was funny which we never talk to each other in that way and he did this again last night.

All I did was cry my heart out for the first time since everything he did to me I cried,cried, cried and cried my eyes out.
Now my question is what the hell is happening to my marriage,what the hell do I do and what do I say to this man cause he is definately not the person that I know since May 2011. Is my marriage falling apart in front of me.

His character has changed the paterns have changed and in May I started to see all this and put things together.

In the pass for what happened my husband that I know would have made me know that what he did was cold and he would''ve made me know why I should stay with him but this man thinks that I owe him my life.

We have a 7yr old daughter who is my rock and I need her and she needs stability. As this situation affected her school work in June exams.

Sometimes I think that I lived a fairytale &  I was blinded by this. I would go to work, come home kick off shoes start to cook the food and start cleaning the house and this is Mon - Mon.

What the hell did I do wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your advise will be appreciated and if you can''t can you please direct me to someone that can.

THANKS in advance

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageBehaviour modification

Dear JJ
There is obviously a breakdown in communication in your marriage. You have firstly got to stop blaming yourself and asking what you did wrong.It takes two people to make a relationship work and two people to stop it from working. It is apparent that your husband is not being entirely honest with you on a number of issues. His apparent change in behavior could very well be an unconscious way of distracting you from the real issues. If he is open to seeing a marriage councilor that is first prize. Alternatively you need to find a way for him to open up to you and be prepared for brutal honesty. Either way you need to make sure that you have support of family and friends and know that it is not you to blame.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Marius | 2011-08-01

Your husband might be going through a midlife crisis where he is questioning himself and all he stands for, and he is rebelling against who he is. This might have nothing to do with you or another woman. If there are some deeper problems there could be other reasons. Best you (?both) go and see someone sooner rather than later, to help to figure it out. It could be too big for you to deal with.

Reply to Marius
Posted by: Romany | 2011-07-28

He wants you to be angry at him.
If you are angry with him, it justifies or gives him a reason to do whatever he is doing " wrong" .
I suspect he is seeing someone else.
Have you considered the possibility?

Reply to Romany
Posted by: jj | 2011-07-28

He is on no meds. He does not drink take any alcohol or drugs. and therefore I myself have not explanation to this behavior.

Reply to jj
Posted by: Romany | 2011-07-27

Just a shot in the dark.... is he drinking any medication? Or has he recently started drinking anti depressants or such?
Some Medication can do this.
I am speaking of experience.
God Luck

Reply to Romany

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