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Question
Posted by: clara | 2009-01-09

husband impossible

Either my husband aged 61 is suffering from Alzheimer' s or alcohol is killing his brain or he has a personality problem. He does drink too much- he even takes slug from the bottle before he goes to bed-but he maintains that he is a good provider so I can' t complain. He is so unreasonable- you never know how he is going to react to any situation- he might be quite nice or he might be thoroughly horrible. This actually doesn' t depend on how intoxicated he is. Lately I can barely open my mouth because anything I say he takes as criticism. If I ask a question, he says I am assuming things and naking staements about him. if I disagree then I am a troublemaker...and so it goes on. I have reached the point of not caring anymore- I have become numb to his anger and aggressive manner.I am surprised he has not yet been arrested for reckless driving and road rage. He can be quite charming when he can get something out of it but otherwise he is rude,crude, ill-mannered, inconsiderate.He says he is perfectly happy with himself. I' d love to just up and leave but I have watched him gradually become more this way over 36 years so it wouldn' t be fair. Also the kids and grandkids want the family intact.By the way, when I tried being an angel- sweet,caring and supportive, he just trampled me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi clara !
Someone boobed and opened this forum much earlier than they had agreed, so it's only by accident that I have discovered your message and been able to answer it during my "holiday" !
Any or all three of the possibilities you suggest could be part of the problem with your husband. Does the situation you describe represent a really significant change from the way he has always been, or is it perhaps simply a worsening of a more chronic problem, perhaps related to his drinking ? You mention him |gradually becoming more this way" over 36 years, so it's less likely to be a dementia, and more based in personality exaggerated at times by the drinking. Mariage counselling could be helpful, but it sounds unlikely that he would agree or take part sincerely, rather than seeing the mere suggestion as more of the "criticism" he rejects.
So personal counselling for you, to find better ways of coping with the situation, might be the best bet

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