Our expert says:
Hi clara !
Someone boobed and opened this forum much earlier than they had agreed, so it's only by accident that I have discovered your message and been able to answer it during my "holiday" !
Any or all three of the possibilities you suggest could be part of the problem with your husband. Does the situation you describe represent a really significant change from the way he has always been, or is it perhaps simply a worsening of a more chronic problem, perhaps related to his drinking ? You mention him |gradually becoming more this way" over 36 years, so it's less likely to be a dementia, and more based in personality exaggerated at times by the drinking. Mariage counselling could be helpful, but it sounds unlikely that he would agree or take part sincerely, rather than seeing the mere suggestion as more of the "criticism" he rejects.
So personal counselling for you, to find better ways of coping with the situation, might be the best bet
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