advertisement
Question
Posted by: Anonymous | 2010-05-04

Husband has no interest in sex

I have been married for five months and it just seems like I am always the one initiating intimacy. My husband seems disinterested and always too tired for sex. he blames it on work stress, I don''t buy that as I feel that sex in a relationship is a very important aspect and that time should be made for it. Furthermore, I have never orgasmed with my husband and continously feel dissatisfied and angry at him for his lack of interest.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Discrepancies in desire and the consequent impact of this on the relationship are often difficult to manage. It is possible that high stress levels can reduce his libido, as can other factors, so don't necessarily disbelieve him. Ultimately this is causing you distress/concern and he needs to understand how important this is for you. As such, whilst he might not be able to meet your needs exactly, he might be able to go some way to do this (a compromise is not uncommon in such situations - and this may include him having to make the effort to get more sleep or initiate intimacy earlier in an evening etc).

The fact that you have never experiences orgasm with your husband also sounds as though little time and effort is put into your lovemaking. The fact that you qualified your statement about orgasm as being 'never with him' as meaning that you have in other circumstances - masturbation or with another lover in the past? If you know your sexual response through this, then you may need to show him what you like/how to give you pleasure - and make sure that there is enough time for him to do this (i.e. not last thing at night). IF he is reluctant, then again you have to let him know how this makes you feel. If you would like some support with these issues, a sex therapist might be able to assist. If you would like help finding one, call the SASHA helpline and leave a message; our administrator will call you back 0860 100 262.

Claire
SASHA

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: Christine | 2010-05-09

He is bi sexual or gay. My x did the same. And found out later he is busy with a bi sexual friendship

Reply to Christine
Posted by: anon | 2010-05-05

Maybe he is getting it from elswhere? Therefore no interest in you? Maybe married life is not as interesting as he thought it would be?

Watch for sms''s at unusual times, him being secretive about this, working overtime often, having to just ''pop into the office'' over weekends. Keep you eyes open.

Reply to anon
Posted by: Sexologist | 2010-05-05

Discrepancies in desire and the consequent impact of this on the relationship are often difficult to manage. It is possible that high stress levels can reduce his libido, as can other factors, so don't necessarily disbelieve him. Ultimately this is causing you distress/concern and he needs to understand how important this is for you. As such, whilst he might not be able to meet your needs exactly, he might be able to go some way to do this (a compromise is not uncommon in such situations - and this may include him having to make the effort to get more sleep or initiate intimacy earlier in an evening etc).

The fact that you have never experiences orgasm with your husband also sounds as though little time and effort is put into your lovemaking. The fact that you qualified your statement about orgasm as being 'never with him' as meaning that you have in other circumstances - masturbation or with another lover in the past? If you know your sexual response through this, then you may need to show him what you like/how to give you pleasure - and make sure that there is enough time for him to do this (i.e. not last thing at night). IF he is reluctant, then again you have to let him know how this makes you feel. If you would like some support with these issues, a sex therapist might be able to assist. If you would like help finding one, call the SASHA helpline and leave a message; our administrator will call you back 0860 100 262.

Claire
SASHA

Reply to Sexologist
Posted by: Oldster | 2010-05-04

No simple answer here. I agree, 5 months into it and no interest ? Not good. However, there must be a reason for it. Did you have a good sex life before marriage ? If so and now its off, then there must be a good reason. The only way to get to the bottom of it is to have a heart to heart chat and find out what''s bothering him. If you have never " O" ed then you must get him to pleasure you other than in the conventional way, you deserve your pleasure !

Reply to Oldster
Posted by: XXX | 2010-05-04

Whew 5 mths into a marriage and not wanting a lot of sex is rather unusual.However,stress can lead to this problem, so don''t totally discount it.
TRy get him away for a week end and get him to relax and see what happens then.
A couple needs to find " we"  time,so you can catch up on sex and the like.
You need to talk to him and in need go see a counsellor

Reply to XXX

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement