Our expert says:
Maybe he had some feelings ; maybe they weren't what you are assuming them to be ; maybe they represented fondness for a pleasant colleague, rather than anything underhand ; maybe indeed nothing happened between them. Do realize that in this life, we can NEVER EVER "know everything" --- you don't even know everything about yourself.
There's nothing she can say which would make you feel better --- if she says there was nothing, you don't belioeve her ; if she says there WAS, you'll feel terrible, and may still wonder if it's the truth. Even if, as seems likely, absolutely nothing untoward happened, you don't want to believe her, and there's really no way she can convince you.
Isn't there enough in the facts of your long relationship, that says he DID love you, and aspects of that relationship to remember fondly, rather than pursuing, literally, a dead end ?
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