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Question
Posted by: Lilly | 2012/08/01

husband forgot my birthday

My husband forgot my birthday. I reminded him three (!!) times this week and even told him i wanted pink roses so he didnt have to stress about what to get. He headed off to work this am, with no birthday wish/kiss/present/NOTHING! He''s been in a new job for 6 months at a school and is stressed out there.
How do i let him know this is very disappointing, (i cried for 2 hours today). mothers day he did nothing either.
how can i let him know these things are very important to me, i feel like he doesnt care enough right now.
thanx, Lilly

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK, disappointing indeed. You say he is perhaps very stressed at his new job, so that might partly at least excuse this forgetfulness. But please, don't cry foor 2 hours - isn't that a bit of an over-reaction ? I'm pretty sure these omissions are not meant to hurt you, nor do them mean he doesn't love you. How do you let him know ? Talk with him and tell him, CALMLY and quietly ( when a woman, for however good a reason, gets emotional, men tend to panic and stop listening.
Is there a possibility he might manage something this evening ?
let us know what happens.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Just Me | 2012/08/04

Sorry to say this.
But Birthdays are for kids
Get over it

Reply to Just Me
Posted by: Jen | 2012/08/02

Happy belated birthday!

My opinion is that you shouldn''t even take such great offense. Let me tell you in the beginning of the year my father always phones and asks when our birthdays are (my one sisters birthday is about 2 week after mine) and even so I usually get a call on her birthday and she gets a call on mine! And this is our father! :)

And as my step mother puts it, when I wish her happy birthday and say I hope my dad spoils her, she says he always does and that''s more important than being spoilt on one day because society deems it the right thing to do.

Reply to Jen
Posted by: Ade | 2012/08/02

Sister, dont pay evil with evil. This is your husband, take him the way he is, still go ahead to tell him how important your birthday and other anniversaries are to you.

do a birthday reminder on his phone to remind him about your birthday.

Happy birthday dear sister.

Reply to Ade
Posted by: thabiso | 2012/08/02

it happens we are only human beings its some times hard to remember some things

Reply to thabiso
Posted by: Karin | 2012/08/02

My husband and I come from opposite sides of the spectrum with regards to Birthdays. His side never made an issue of such things, and mine did, it''s just the way people are, nothing personal. I changed that by making a huge fuss about his and our boys'' birthdays, valentines day, father''s day etc... Now the whole family does it.
Don''t fret Lilly. Kill him with kindness, buy or bake a cake for this evening and enjoy it with him. he''ll soon come round.
Men often say that we women analyse too much, so surprise him by NOT reacting. as the song goes, " Sisters are doing it for themselves." 
God''s Richest blessings on your birthday. Have a great day!

Reply to Karin
Posted by: priscilla | 2012/08/02

Mine forgort our Wedding Annivesary every year

Reply to priscilla
Posted by: Nosipho | 2012/08/02

Happy birthday, I agree with Claudette just do something for you. Mine also forgot my birthday it was on the 8th July but he remembered my sister''s birthday on the 7th July I wanted to kill him when he later remembered I realised he honestly forgot. I am sure he loves you don''t take it personal. I love Claudette''s advice.
Keep well

Reply to Nosipho
Posted by: anon | 2012/08/02

This happens to me year after year after year - for every special day like mothers day - my birthday - christmas - our anniversay. Well at least I really really expected him to make it up to when I turned 40 this year. Boy did I hold my breath - and he was working me up for weeks before my 40th - kept singing ''happy birthday'' and ''somebodys turning 40th - it would give me serious butterflies and i would think to myself - is he planning something??? BIG dissapointment - the big day arrived and NOTHING - not a happy birthday-not a card- not a cup of coffee before I left for work - i battled the tears the entire day at work - i have never felt so dissapointed - the hurt was unbearable - i got calls from all in the family even his mother - but as soon as the day was over i got over it - and when fathers day weekend arrived - i went shopping the day before - and he asked if was getting him something for the next day - So my response was : HHHmmmm let me see - what did i get when i turned 40 - NOTHING - and that is what you will get - and please from now on please make it a rule NOT to grace each others birthdays. And I just hate him more with every passing day.

Reply to anon
Posted by: Fikile | 2012/08/02

Happy birthday on your husband''s behalf!!!!!!!
the poor man is stressed all your care about is your birthday, did you even ask him how he is settling in his job?????

Reply to Fikile
Posted by: desperado | 2012/08/02

Oh dear men!!! I''ve also been in your situation a few times. I cried I fought and I just realised you know what I will never be able to get him to do that for me. I guess for some men it''s just not important. Actually as the only daughter in the family I constantly had to remind my father about all these special days and I still do today.

I agree with " woman"  about the sms thing.

I also decided you can''t beat him so join him so when he forget my birthday or our anniversary I will just also not get him something either.

This year I actually decided I''m going to make my own birthday special. I bought myself somehting nice and told him on my birthday thank you for the present that I bought myself with his credit card :-) then I made a reservation at a fancy restaurant and told him I''m going so if he want he can join. Also bought myself a cake and me and the kids throw me a real kiddies party which they loved. I also felt like an excited kid again.

And you will not believe the attention and icare I received for a whole week after that :-) He even spoilt me that night with a nice jacket and sunglasses which he never did before

Reply to desperado
Posted by: Claudette | 2012/08/02

Happy Birthday to you enjoy your day, I know you are hurt my husband do the same he is not stressed, I have learn to love myself I buy a present and address it from me to you and buy a cake cook nice meal and you know what I am happy now it is my birthday on the 27th August I have started looking what am I going to buy for me don''t stress girl.

Reply to Claudette
Posted by: leila | 2012/08/02

happy birthday lilly. i hope you had an awesome day.

Reply to leila
Posted by: This-is-important | 2012/08/02

I agree totally with Tania !!!

Reply to This-is-important
Posted by: Cora-Lee | 2012/08/02

I can understand why he forgot the Mother''s Day thingy - you are not his mother - that it what my husband used to say to me when I complained about not being wished for Mother''s Day! As for your b-day, that is lousy especially since you reminded him! It may be a man thing, they are very forgetful, my HB does not even remember his siblings or parents'' b-days! If I don''t remind him, he does not call them! I have given up on waiting for wishes and pressies and I do the same to him too, two days after our anniversary I willl tell him oopsie it was our anniversary and I totally forgot! Anyway hope you have the best day ever and hopefully he did remember but has an awesome surprise waiting for you! Happy Birthday from a total stranger and may you be abundantly blessed and have many more happy, healthy and prosperous years ahead! Enjoy :)

Reply to Cora-Lee
Posted by: Tanya | 2012/08/01

I would totally ignore the fact that he forgot. He WILL feel very embarrassed when he either remembers or something reminds him. I would go so far as saying " Oh my goodness! Our lives are so hectic I actually forgot too!" 

Dont forget though to totally ignore his birthday! That will teach him a lesson he''ll never forget.

Reply to Tanya
Posted by: XXX | 2012/08/01

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LILLY.Is it not possible that he is waiting to surprise you after work.
Being stressed does not in my book excuse one from forgetting your partner''s birthday.
I like " Woman''s"  suggestion,text him and tell him you cannot wait for your surprise later

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Woman | 2012/08/01

Happy birthday! You know, I am married to a man who places no stock whatsoever on such things, he just doesn''t understand the importance of it. At times I''ve cried, fought with him, voiced my disappointment with him. And what I have learnt through the years, is to give him a chance to make restitution by clear hints.

Like: send him an sms saying the following:"  Ooooh good one darling, you nearly had me! Making as if you forgot my birthday! So... I''d like to at least dress appropriately for the surprise you''re planning for tonight. Should I dress formal or informal?" 

try it, and see what happens!

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Maria | 2012/08/01

Happy Birthday! (((HUGS)))

Is he in general selfish, or does he just not understand that these occasions are important to you?

Look at a book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It explains how different people experiences different things as signs of being loved.

And next time don''t remind him yourself, multiple times. Get a friend to do it, or put a reminder on his phone.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/08/01

OK, disappointing indeed. You say he is perhaps very stressed at his new job, so that might partly at least excuse this forgetfulness. But please, don't cry foor 2 hours - isn't that a bit of an over-reaction ? I'm pretty sure these omissions are not meant to hurt you, nor do them mean he doesn't love you. How do you let him know ? Talk with him and tell him, CALMLY and quietly ( when a woman, for however good a reason, gets emotional, men tend to panic and stop listening.
Is there a possibility he might manage something this evening ?
let us know what happens.

Reply to cybershrink

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