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Question
Posted by: missy | 2011-04-04

Husband does not orgasm ever!

Hi there,

I have been with my husband for almost 5 years now and we only recentluy got married.

We have a wonderful loving relationship and have no lack in a sexlife.
BUT he has only had one orgasm from sex in all the time we have been together. He says he is happy and that he enjoys sex and I try a lot of things as I feel I need to be adventurous for him to reach an orgasm.

I should prbably add that we are in our early twenties and that when we started dating he was a virgin.

Please help me in this regard as I want my hubby who fully satisfies me to be satisfied as well.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Firstly you need to check whether he experiences 'orgasm' but just doesn't appear to ejaculate, or is it that he doesn't reach IF he doesn't experience the orgasm, he would need to identify whether this problem occurs in all circumstances (i.e. does he struggle to ejaculate when he masturbates or you masturbate him?) or just some(ie. just with you or just with penetration). The answers to these questions will direct the approach that needs to be taken. Male orgasmic difficuties could be caused by anxiety (about a range of things), difficulties 'letting go', and arousal habituated to specific stimulation (eg certain fantasies he may have relied on previously, his own specific stimulation when masturbating), or other psychological factors.

As you can see, there are many more questions... The more pressure you put on him, the more problematic this will be for him, but your wish to give him pleasure may mean that he would be willing to seek professional assessment and support for this. If the two of you do wish to seek such support, you can either identify an appropriate professional via your GP or the SASHA helpline (0860100262 - leave message and we'll call you back).

Claire - SASHA

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: alexhugecocatgmail | 2011-04-14

hi Missy - i also take very very long to come usually hour on the first round. but what eventually always makes me cum is a ling slow -|- , teasing for an hour with youtr tongue and hands is bound to do the job.

at least one hour of pleasure, MUST work!

Reply to alexhugecocatgmail
Posted by: Lola | 2011-04-08

Missy, have you ever thought, that maybe..... HE IS GAY? He does not want to come out of the closet and disgrace his family. He is wising all this feelings away but they not going away... I bet in the threesome the third person is a man. That is the only way he is going to off load in a big way... just maybe... but him guy porn dvds , and see how he reacts… .just maybe

Reply to Lola
Posted by: I | 2011-04-08

take him out one night, wear a silky dress with nothing under, then when out let him touch you so that he finds out, should do the trick

Reply to I
Posted by: angels | 2011-04-07

bottom line is you have to face the fact that your husband needs a professional to assess and help him. You can try all things even doing anal or a threesome on top of the tallest building roof but the truth is he needs help. There is nothing to lose because you will come out of the doctor''s room with more accurate information.

As for threesomes- my friend do not desecrate yourself in the name of trying to please your husband and save your marriage. Dont let someone pervert your definition of love. You kept yourself a virgin for a reason.

I love the way you care for your husband. Best wishes.

Reply to angels
Posted by: A woman | 2011-04-06

Basjan, why is is that men are so obsessed with anal sex? it makes no sense to me, it was never meant for that. I know of no women who actually enjoy it, but some just do it to please their men. Remember women have nothing like a prostate gland to make it pleasurable for them, so it is highly unlikely to feel good for the woman, so it''s only the man who benefits from anal.

Reply to A woman
Posted by: Basjan | 2011-04-06

Did you guys try anal?

If that does not blow his load I do not know!

Reply to Basjan
Posted by: Missy | 2011-04-05

Hey guys! No offense taken Anon!! It''s not that he is selfish or anything, he just has fantasies and we are open about our fantasies. We have no communication barrier in our relationship and I respect him for telling me his most intimate thoughts. To Mark, thank you so much for asking questions and taking the time to give advice and comment! I appreciate it tremendously!!

Reply to Missy
Posted by: mark | 2011-04-05

yip i understand.just a thought,i think a 3sum is 1 erea where he will orgasm.it must be a big turn on for him....if he was a virgin he is thinking way to far ahead...It is right that u did not go with that.any way good luck.sorri i could not be of much help.

Reply to mark
Posted by: Anon | 2011-04-05

Sorry if i offended and sacred you away Missy.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Anon | 2011-04-05

Missy i mean no disrespect but i dont understand men in general. Been a man myself - you are a loving, caring, devoted wife that is willing to go the extra mile and do anything , sorry almost anything , and yet he wants to have a threesome.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Anon | 2011-04-05

Its only my pleasure Missy. Wow have i truly been nice to you?
Hope it helps...wish i could be of more assistance

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Missy | 2011-04-05

Thanks Anon!! You have been very nice to me!! I will definitely take up your advice! Hey Mark, I have done evrything except play in one of his fantasies as it goes against my morals. ANd that is his fantasy of a 3some. Does that answer your question?

Reply to Missy
Posted by: Anon | 2011-04-05

I know you mentioned you guys are in your twenties - how old is he?

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Anon | 2011-04-05

I undersatnd it is difficult. Maybe he cna set up an appointment with a doctor that he has never been to before - it might be a bit easier with a stranger than with your normal GP. Not sure but that is my 2 cents worth of comments.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: mark | 2011-04-05

did u try dress up for him....wat have u done to try an help him..

Reply to mark
Posted by: Missy | 2011-04-05

Hey Anon, I think so too. But now how to get him to talk to a doctor about this? This has been very weird for me to talk about with people I don''t know.

Reply to Missy
Posted by: Anon | 2011-04-05

Thanks Missy for your reply. Then i think there is something wrong with him. Maybe he should seek medical advise.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Missy | 2011-04-05

To Anon, plenty of times!! And to Mark, no worries!

Reply to Missy
Posted by: mark | 2011-04-05

cant really tell u via this site......

Reply to mark
Posted by: Anon | 2011-04-05

Do you give him oral?

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Missy | 2011-04-05

Hi Mark, i have tried an array of things, but if you have any further suggestions I am willing to try almost anything to make this pleasurable for him.

Reply to Missy
Posted by: Missy | 2011-04-05

Hi Claire, I want to thank you for getting back to me so quickly! He does not reach orgasm with intercourse or if I masturbate him. He rarely reaches orgasm when he is masturbating privately. And i have only once seen him ejaculate.

Reply to Missy
Posted by: mark | 2011-04-05

Hi,did u try anything to help him ......

Reply to mark
Posted by: Sexologist | 2011-04-04

Firstly you need to check whether he experiences 'orgasm' but just doesn't appear to ejaculate, or is it that he doesn't reach IF he doesn't experience the orgasm, he would need to identify whether this problem occurs in all circumstances (i.e. does he struggle to ejaculate when he masturbates or you masturbate him?) or just some(ie. just with you or just with penetration). The answers to these questions will direct the approach that needs to be taken. Male orgasmic difficuties could be caused by anxiety (about a range of things), difficulties 'letting go', and arousal habituated to specific stimulation (eg certain fantasies he may have relied on previously, his own specific stimulation when masturbating), or other psychological factors.

As you can see, there are many more questions... The more pressure you put on him, the more problematic this will be for him, but your wish to give him pleasure may mean that he would be willing to seek professional assessment and support for this. If the two of you do wish to seek such support, you can either identify an appropriate professional via your GP or the SASHA helpline (0860100262 - leave message and we'll call you back).

Claire - SASHA

Reply to Sexologist

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