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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2012-01-12

Husband confession

My husband of 15 years is wonderful,kind and loving but has confessed to me about some homosexual experiences he had, only oral sex and masturbation with other men, a total of 3 guys, and 7 experiences before we were married, he felt there should not be any secrets in marriage, but was always afraid to tell me. I appreciate the honesty, but am battling to get my head around it, I dont think I will ever give him a bj or hand job again, as when I try, these images of him with other men flood my mind, especially as 1 is a close friend, also married. He says it wasnt for him, but after giving 1 bj, you should know that, but 7, where he even swallowed each time, he must have enjoyed it, he only took a hand job once, and had 2 bj,s given to him, so he liked to suck, now I see him, not as the mans man I always did, but have got suspicious about many things in our sex life, like he often goes down on me after sex, which I always loved, now I think he likes the taste of semen, so I dont let him do that either, its affecting our sex life, and I dont know how to get over this. We like to watch porn together, and now I see him getting excited, and dont know if its the guys or girls that are exciting him, but I dont want him to watch anymore porn.
I dont know what to do, has anyone out thee had a husband that has done this to a man, if so please tell me your story, and if you overcame this

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Dear Anon,

It is evident that your husband's sharing of his homosexual experiences in the past are causing you a range of concerns, anxieties and insecurities.

This forum will not be able to address all these. My best advice is that you and your husband continue talking about this, including you telling him the impact it is having on you.

You may consider a sex therapist to assist both of you process all of this.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: WIFE | 2012-01-12

I found myself in the same situation, my husband also gave oral sex to his friend, more than once. except my husband experimented once we were married, I tried to brush it under the carpet, but that was worse for both of us, when we discussed details, how and why, feelings of excitement, he admitted to enjoying it etc, we also got to the route, and he explained how his first gay experience was very young with a grown man, we had both become christians when he confessed, and it was only in discussing, forgiving and moving on, that I can say now after 23 years of marriage, that my marriage is better now than ever before, but in coming clean, he also needed healing, and once he told me, all those dersires came back to him, but he would discuss them with me, we would pray, and God removed every desire. So you should be there fighting for him, he loves you, and is faithful, and no secrets is a great policy for marriage, in our process, I also told him about a fling I had while on holiday when we were dating, so we all know the truth, and the truth will set us fre if we let it. God Bless

Reply to WIFE
Posted by: Pete | 2012-01-12

Obviously this is a big shock to you, but I think a lot has to be said about your husbands love for you and commitment to you in the fact that he has told you this. By making this an issue in your head, and letting it dictate your sexlife will be nothing other than destructive to your relationship, and cause him never ever to trust you enough again to share something this intimate with you. What''s done is done, and whether he still finds it exciting is not the issue. fact is he made his decision then, and is still with you today, after 15 years of marriage. We all experiment, and so did he. Please get to a therapist that can help you deal with it and let it go, because the thoughts that you shared here, mulling around in your head, will surely destroy your perfect marriage. And that all because of something that happened before he knew you. Not worth it. He is still exactly the same man he was before he told you, think about that. Only difference is that now you know about his secret. Best of luck

Reply to Pete
Posted by: XXX | 2012-01-12

Wow a tough call to be honest.I see no reason why a hetrosexual male would want to even experiment with homosexual sex,however,if it is in the past &  he no longer is involved in it,then give him the benefit of the doubt.
I must say he is a very lucky man to still get HJ''s and bj''s after 15 years of marriage-I would suggest this is very rare.
Maybe you should have a heart to heart chat with him,tell him that you want to put your mind at rest.
Good luck

Reply to XXX

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