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Question
Posted by: Rose | 2011/09/08

Husband cheating

For some reason i don''t know, I looked into my hubby''s phone and ended up coming across smses from a woman am thinking they are having an affair or flirting. I asked him and he said they were just friends and he will stop the friendship if am not ok with it. I don''t believe him, he has never cheated before but something tells me that there is more to this. I told my mother in law who talked to him yesterday but I dont feel ok. How do I forget about this? I live 200 kilometres away from home and I feel like their " friendship'' is still going to continue anyway.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK, most upsetting. I'm not totally convinced that one looks into old SMS in one's spouses phone entirely by accident, but that would be more of a problem to explain to him if you wanted to comment on whatever you found.
I'm trying to understand the geography when you say you "live 200 km from home" - do you work ( and live there while working ) 200 km from where your home with your husband would be, so he is alone there fopr much of the time ? Its hard to feel secure about what he might be doing if you were so far from him - but then you were close enough to look into his phone. Was he visiting ? Or do you live together, but "home" is where your parents and/or his are living ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: cautious | 2011/09/08

Ensure u use condoms until you are sure , in the meantime test for stds

Reply to cautious
Posted by: Rose | 2011/09/08

I work 200 kilometres away and stay there. I go home at every wknd. I dont normally look into his fone. what happened is I could not access my twitter account from my fone so i asked to use his and that is how I ended up in his mail box or BBM.

Reply to Rose
Posted by: M | 2011/09/08

Anon how do you put this net nanny on... very interesting

Reply to M
Posted by: Romany | 2011/09/08

Anon has said it perfectly.
I agree. If you are suspecting he is having an affair, he probably is. And, no, he will not stop.
He will get very clever from here on.
I feel for you.....but you must know that the only way you can catch him out is to, like Anon says, stay calm, give him time to think that you have gotten over it and al is fine.
I do not know if you can afford it but a private investigator is the way to ge then. They get the info you need somehow and very quick too.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Anon | 2011/09/08

You are right, he is not going to stop, he is just going to hide it better. He may even go as far as getting a second phone so that if you were to check up on him, he is " clean"  The other thing they do, is get a different email address for their flirting so that again, you will not find proof of his cheating.

Here is what I would do. Be normal and sweet and lovey - not over the top, because you dont want him to suspect anything. Tell him you accept that he is stoppin t he friendship and you appreciate him choosing your relationship over some meaningless flirtation. Make him feel really secure so that everything is cool between you. Make sure he believes you trust him completely

Leave it for a while, even if it kills you. Leave it, then after a while check his phone or his emails again or both.

If his phone now suddenly has a password, then you know nothing has changed, or if he does not turn his back without his phone firmly secured.

If you can, put a net nanny on his pc so you can monitor all his pc activity. You will soon find out what he is really and truly up to and whether it has stopped or not and if he is telling you the truth.

In my experience, once they start this cr@p, it does not stop, it just gets better hidden

Reply to Anon
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/09/08

OK, most upsetting. I'm not totally convinced that one looks into old SMS in one's spouses phone entirely by accident, but that would be more of a problem to explain to him if you wanted to comment on whatever you found.
I'm trying to understand the geography when you say you "live 200 km from home" - do you work ( and live there while working ) 200 km from where your home with your husband would be, so he is alone there fopr much of the time ? Its hard to feel secure about what he might be doing if you were so far from him - but then you were close enough to look into his phone. Was he visiting ? Or do you live together, but "home" is where your parents and/or his are living ?

Reply to cybershrink

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