Our expert says:
Have you tried discussing this calmly with him, choosing a time when the problem is NOT active ? There must be times when he is NOT feeling especially stressed and angry. Chat about how worried you are about how he seems to be getting so stressed out at work, and then bringing home all that stress and sharing it with the kids. Ask if he'd talk a bit abouy what's so stressing at work, and whether there's any way in which he and you, working together, could try to improve on this ?
Talk with the kids, saying it distresses you when he gets so aggressive, but he is being upset at work, and needs some quiet and peace when he gets home. Can they help by planning their noisier games before he gets home or at weekends, and finding a quiet way to enjoy themselves when he gets back ?
Many factors ca lead us to respond in the unhelpful way he does, including the way one is brought up ( maybe everyone knew they had to be silent when HIS dad got home ).
And combat and border veterans often suffer various forms of PTSD, which may include a hair-trigger temper and irritability. Does he maybe show other signs of this, such as nightmares, or really bad memories of past experiences ? Has he ever thought of seeing a shrink experienced with military vets and PTSD ( and could he be encouraged to do so ) ? Specific forms of psychotherapy including CBT, and some medications, can significantly improve PTSD and related post-traumatic problems, to everyone's benefit
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