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Question
Posted by: ABC | 2011/10/18

Husband and pregnancy

My husband got retrenched last year September. He then opened a shop but had to close it again because it wasn''t making any money. I fell pregnant and am now 5 months. It wasn''t planned. We moved in with my parents. Husband just wants to sleep. He eats and sleeps. He doesnt spend any time with our first child. Hes not interrested in this baby. I cant sleep at night because he snores. He has sleep apnea but doesnt wear his cpap machine and then his snoring keeps me awake. Ill then ask if I could just sleep for an hour in the afternoon while he watches our first child but then husband will rather sleep. Im so sleep deprived! I sleep like 2 hours a night! I cant take his selfishness anymore.
Everything is about him! If I cook something I crave or something my son loves hell find something about it to moan about. Ill buy him cake and he moans its not the right kind. Then I buy the right kind and hell moan its to dry...
I feel like running away and cant stop crying. Please help!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe he became depressed, which can crtainly produce the situation you describe - and now, as depression is in a social sense infectious, this is also getting you down ?
Talk calmly to him what on earth is the point of him not using the C-PAP machine ? Doesn't he realize how the snoring is damaging your sleep ?
I wonder if you can find access to a counsellor, for yourself or even better for both of you.
He may be finding unreasonable fault in things outside himself, to avoid perhaps guilty feelings of fault within himself ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Jenna | 2011/10/19

That does sound an awful lot like depression, and yes it can be interpreted at selfishness. In my teens I thought my mother was the most selfish person on earth- displaying the same symptoms you state for your husband. As I got older I realized she was very depressed and I felt really bad that I thought so badly of her.

If you are living with your parents, why don''t you ask them to look after your children for a while so you can get some sleep? Then, once you have gotten some sleep and you feel better maybe you and your husband can start going out and start enjoying each others company again. It doesn''t have to be to the movies and stuff- that is WAY to pricey but maybe just have a picnic in a park, go to a museum or zoo (entrance is pretty cheap and you can stay as long as you want, really). Ask him to come with you to the gynae appointments and things. Even have movie nights at home- popcorn kernels don''t even cost R10 and they last forever (we don''t waste our money on these microwave packs- too expensive).


If he starts to enjoy this, bring your son into the picture. Once he starts to see that life isn''t so bad anymore, then maybe he''ll feel encouraged to look for a job- because I assume he is not doing this at the moment?

Reply to Jenna
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/10/18

Maybe he became depressed, which can crtainly produce the situation you describe - and now, as depression is in a social sense infectious, this is also getting you down ?
Talk calmly to him what on earth is the point of him not using the C-PAP machine ? Doesn't he realize how the snoring is damaging your sleep ?
I wonder if you can find access to a counsellor, for yourself or even better for both of you.
He may be finding unreasonable fault in things outside himself, to avoid perhaps guilty feelings of fault within himself ?

Reply to cybershrink

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