Posted by: HS | 2009-09-04

Husband and my past

Hi There, before hubby and I met 5 years ago we had both had 3 previous sexual partners. My husband - 3 years into our marriage- is still having issues dealing with the fact that I had had 3 partners before him. His 3 partners were long term girlfriends and one of mine was my longterm boyfriend of 5 years and the other 2 were guys I dated for only a brief amount of time. He is finding it difficult to accept as It was not long term boyfriends. He wakes up in the middle of the night and says nasty things to me about my past to the point that he is verbally abusive. I have told him, and he has not disagreed, that I think he is upset that he never had so many sexual partners before we got married, like his friends did. It has even gotten to the stage where I have even considered telling him to just go and sleep with woman just so he can get over it! (I know that is a silly way of handling it but I dont know what else to do). Please advise me as our marriage and family is perfect, except for this!

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Our expert says:
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I don't think that it is fair to be upset at relationships that occurred in the past, before a couple met. And the extent of his reaction is absurd and extreme. Don't tell him to go and sleep with anyone else, that's be disasterous. HE has an inner psychiological problem, and you have done no wrong. And his problem won't be cured by sleeping with anyone else. What the pair of you need is marriage counselling ( eg through FAMSA),

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Our users say:
Posted by: Me | 2009-09-04

Sorry HS, but your husband has a huge problem. People don' t come as ' new'  or ' used'  ! Why was this private information even discussed/disclosed in the first place? He certainly has double standards...or what? I' d tell him to go get a life, and a good dose of Therapy while he' s about it!

Reply to Me
Posted by: Anon | 2009-09-04

Best plan should have been not to even ask, I dont ask and I dont expect to be asked, If I am and I cant dodge the question I WILL lie, only to protect my partner from hurt and anguish. My past is my past and I cant change it, I can choose to learn from it and never go down that road again.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Gontshi | 2009-09-04

what makes it perfect, if he still holding on to the past? your husband has got a serious problem. how can you tell someone you"  love"  to go " make LOVE"  out there.

Just tell your husband that it is not your fault for him to sleep with one or none before marriage, actually he should embrace that.

Reply to Gontshi

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