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Question
Posted by: Janice | 2010/06/01

Husband and I need councelling

I think my husband and I need marriage councelling, we have been married for 8 years. He often resents that I had previous relationships before getting married and that I wasn''t a virgin when I married him, he keeps making me feel so bad about this and saying I slept around. We also had an argument last night and he grabbed me roughly by the wrist and was about to hit me then he didn''t. He told me to get out of his house which is what he often says when we have an argument, he won''t really open up to me emotionally in any way. I sat there last night with tears streaming down my face and he just carried on writing a shopping list. He has also threatened to take our child away from me if we were not together. I suggested to him we go for councelling and he doesn''t seem to think we need it but I am so unhappy at the moment.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK sounds right - GET marriage counselling. Any number of groups can provide it, including FAMSA. Its never fair for anyone to resent relatonships you had BEFORE they met you, though fair enough to be worried if something went wrong after the meeting. He will not be allowed, legally, to take the child away ( specially not on the grounds of your afairs before mariage ) ; and if he does continue to threaten and even hit you, he can be charged with spousal abuse, and even a court order requiring HIM to move out and not to approach you or the child.
How can he logically think there is so much wrong ( even if he blames it on you ) and yet not fel there's any need for counselling ? Sounds like he has VERY low self-esteem, and fears what may be revealed in the counselling sessions.

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Our users say:
Posted by: linda | 2010/06/03

Did you marry in the same culture or faith? Because if it is not then Marriage counceling will not work. If you were happy at the beginning of the marriage then go for it. But he will always have this grudge against you. Ask him what did he do before you were married to him? And he can not take your child away from you.

Reply to linda
Posted by: miki | 2010/06/01

i dont want 2 judge u but why was he doing the shoppin list? r u sure there is not more to the story that you are not letting out? maybe he prefers a woman who will take care of the shopping list, i know its chauvinistic but heck most men r chauvenistic nothin we can do bout that right! so maybe you need to sit down and ask him where he thinks you have failed him he might have one or two things and i really dont think its the virgin thing if it is then he has BIG insecurities and is hiding behind that because its actually sumthin bigger than that

Reply to miki
Posted by: Lin | 2010/06/01

Oh, you definately need counselling. It''s not something to be embarresed about as all couples have it rough some time or another and all couples could do with counselling every now and again. The thing with him threatening to take your child away - he knows it''s a way to get to you (hurt you). He married you after he knew you weren''t a virgin - was it a surprise then?
You''d benefit from counselling. Both of you.

Reply to Lin
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/06/01

OK sounds right - GET marriage counselling. Any number of groups can provide it, including FAMSA. Its never fair for anyone to resent relatonships you had BEFORE they met you, though fair enough to be worried if something went wrong after the meeting. He will not be allowed, legally, to take the child away ( specially not on the grounds of your afairs before mariage ) ; and if he does continue to threaten and even hit you, he can be charged with spousal abuse, and even a court order requiring HIM to move out and not to approach you or the child.
How can he logically think there is so much wrong ( even if he blames it on you ) and yet not fel there's any need for counselling ? Sounds like he has VERY low self-esteem, and fears what may be revealed in the counselling sessions.

Reply to cybershrink

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