Our expert says:
OK. Obviously he has a serious drinking problem, which needs attention, but nobody expert can help him until he accepts that he does have a problem and that he does need help, and sincerely agrees to accept and work with such help.
Now, many people can have lasting concerns arising from having had an abusive father ; and many have unrecognized and undiagnosed problems stemming from awful experiences on the Border, including PTSD and related problems. It is common for such people to abuse alcohol, perhaps in cobination with various street drugs, as a form of self-medication, even though ultimately it doesnt help and may worsen their problems.
IF you can persuade him that these problems deserve respet and attention, that abusive behaviour towards you is intolerable and unacceptable, but that you greatly love the man he was and who he can again become, and will support him if he seeks and works with the proper expert help he deserves, then encourage him to see an experienced psychiatrist, privately if possible, asking for assessment, diagnosis, and a discussion of treatment options which should include medication AND counselling / psychotherapy, as the situation is too complex to respond solely to medications.
Also check whether the military medical services near you have any facilties to help veterans suffering from trauma problems.
Also consider contacting a group like POWA to assist you as an abused wife.
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