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Question
Posted by: Biki | 2011/06/28

Husband

Hi doc,
I dont know what to do and turn to you in the hope of some guidance. My husband have absolutely no libido. I have to initiate any intimicy and even if I do, he would start moaning by saying he is tired or feel sick etc. Otherwise he would just make as if he falls asleep. I dont know how to handle this or how to address the issue.

He is the most wonderful husband in the world, except in the bedroom.

How should I handle this and what should I say without hurting our relationship

Please help

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Has he NEVER had any sexual desire ? Or did he, once, and has somehow lost it ? From the way you speak of i9t, it sounds as if it has always been this way. While we vary in how much importance sex has for us, very few people have no interest in it, and if they did, they'd be unlikely to get married.
A range of medical conditions and also medications can reduce either or both libido and sexual performance. And sometimes a person who has such problems, perhaps a poor quality or brief erection, for instance, may decide to avoid having sex, feeling embarrassed at their poor performance. Similarly, someone who feels very self-conscious about a lack of sexual experience and skills may avoid sexual activity aiming at avoiding embarrassment.
Whatever the cause, it's most useful for the guy to see a really good GP or perhaps a psychiatrist ( though he might mistake that suggestion as insultingly implying he's mentally unwell which is not at all the case ) - for a full assessment, looking at all potential causes and treatment options, as pretty-well every possible cause can respond really well to treatment, with happy results for him as well as for you.
You'd need to raise this very tactfully with him, of course. Start by saying, as you did in your message here, that he is "the most wonderful husband in the world" except for your natural concern that he seeems so uninterested in sex, which is understandably troubling to you. Remind him that there are many treatable causes for this which could bring more pleasure and fulfillment for him and for you. and that whatver the cause, it's not his fault, and you'd fel proud and grateful if he would arrange for a proper check-up and advice on how to remedy this one less than satisfactory area of an otherwise splended marriage

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1
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/06/28

Has he NEVER had any sexual desire ? Or did he, once, and has somehow lost it ? From the way you speak of i9t, it sounds as if it has always been this way. While we vary in how much importance sex has for us, very few people have no interest in it, and if they did, they'd be unlikely to get married.
A range of medical conditions and also medications can reduce either or both libido and sexual performance. And sometimes a person who has such problems, perhaps a poor quality or brief erection, for instance, may decide to avoid having sex, feeling embarrassed at their poor performance. Similarly, someone who feels very self-conscious about a lack of sexual experience and skills may avoid sexual activity aiming at avoiding embarrassment.
Whatever the cause, it's most useful for the guy to see a really good GP or perhaps a psychiatrist ( though he might mistake that suggestion as insultingly implying he's mentally unwell which is not at all the case ) - for a full assessment, looking at all potential causes and treatment options, as pretty-well every possible cause can respond really well to treatment, with happy results for him as well as for you.
You'd need to raise this very tactfully with him, of course. Start by saying, as you did in your message here, that he is "the most wonderful husband in the world" except for your natural concern that he seeems so uninterested in sex, which is understandably troubling to you. Remind him that there are many treatable causes for this which could bring more pleasure and fulfillment for him and for you. and that whatver the cause, it's not his fault, and you'd fel proud and grateful if he would arrange for a proper check-up and advice on how to remedy this one less than satisfactory area of an otherwise splended marriage

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