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Question
Posted by: sandles | 2011/01/20

husband

my husband is under a lot of pressur at work. the people are making him very upset. but when he gets home he barely speaks to me and he knows i''m upset. but why does he make if im the bad one? he makes me feel i''ve done something wrong. its always that way when he''s made a mistake, his attitude is as if i was the one who was wrong even though he knows its him?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

IS he actually saying the you are the bad one ? Or is that your interpretation, how you feel when he is silent and distant ? His behaviour is probably all about his stresses at work and his attenpts to deal with them, and not actually about you. Do you, perhaps, feel as though you've done something wrong Unless he says otherwise ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/22

IS he actually saying the you are the bad one ? Or is that your interpretation, how you feel when he is silent and distant ? His behaviour is probably all about his stresses at work and his attenpts to deal with them, and not actually about you. Do you, perhaps, feel as though you've done something wrong Unless he says otherwise ?

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Posted by: Count your blessings | 2011/01/21

Always helps to look for the good in any bad situation.In this case at least he comes home............................ Count your blessings.

Reply to Count your blessings
Posted by: Soul | 2011/01/21

You know the saying " you hurt the one you love the most"  it is very true. His anger and frustrations will be directed to you and taken out on you. It''s his way of releasing what his feeling inside, that doesn''t make it ok but that is what''s happening.

Speak to him directly let him know you there for him, ask him what you can do to make it better for him. You going to need to be patient and supportive and understanding.

Suggest relaxing things to do in the evenings, maybe taking a walk in the evenings enjoy the sunset together.

Sometimes the best thing you can say is nothing at all, just you being there may be of some comfort to him, a gentle squeeze of the hand a light kiss on the cheeck and a gentle tone of the voice, these thing are noticed and appreciated even if you don''t see it and feel it.

Best of luck

Reply to Soul
Posted by: Romany | 2011/01/21

That is a man thing. Don''t be offended. I think every single woman that will read your post will agree.
You are the closest thing to him, that is why.
No excuse, but it is a " man"  thing.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: tiptoe | 2011/01/20

Ok you mentioned your husband is under alot of pressure, so you need to be what for him? You need to be understanding and you MUST try to be PATIENT with him and SUPPORTIVE. Of course you are also taking the strain aswell you and your husband are indeed one person in union, think of supportive helpful ways to alleviate the stress, lets face it look around you times are tough and they are going to get alot worse and many people are suffering and will suffer. One way that you could help is to give him some time when he returns from work to unwind and clear his mind, also find a fun easy mildly mind stimulating activity you can both do each evening for no more than 30 mins, like an interesting card game or something google for suggestions, this will help activate other parts of your husbands mind, distract him from the stress and also provide him with a form of rest before sleeping. This really does work, aslong as it isnt too intense or difficult, a mild mind stimulating game between both of you will help and allow you both to calmly discuss stressors at work and for you to help him know that it will pass and he will adapt and get used to it.

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