Our expert says:
You have done more than it is reasonable to expect of you, for your sons, and should feel proud of your achievements. It is natural to feel so disappointed at how selfishly and thoughtlessly they forgot to acknowledge any sense of gratitude for all you have done. Maybe you have done so much, without letting them see how had it has been for you to achieve this, that they have come to take it all for granted. You may have spared them so much of the work involved in caring for themselves, that they don't realize how much is involved. For instance, the one who went fruitlessly to Cape Town - should have checked it out better beforehand, and should have carried the costs entirely by himself. If he could not, himself, have aforded all the scosts, he should not have gone.
If mom will always pick up the bill, why bother to be careful and sensible ?
For them to have expectd you to pay car fines for them without even discussing it is outrageous. They should not be driving your car at all - don't they have cars of their own ?
So you are entirely right to stop all aid at once - that is now the most useful and loving thing you can do for them.
Inadvertently, you led them to underestimate and under-appreciate all you did - now, having to take proper care of themselves ( and stick to your resolve, and refuse to rescue them should they get themselves into other messes ) they will have a chance to learn reality at last.
Now devote more time and attention to caring for yourself
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