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Posted by: ?? | 2010/03/02

hurt

I went through my boyfriend''s phone, i wish i hadn''t but i did. i got more than i bargained for, my suspicions were confirmed even though it was torture. he''s seeing someone else, i guess what really hurts the most is that he didn''t even save my numbers, there are no pictures of me in his phone only pictures of her and of them together,even naked pictures of her. i''m so hurt, i haven''t told him what i''ve seen and read. i couldn''t sleep last night, he was dreaming away probably about her. i didn''t want to confront him while i was still in a state, it doesn''t take a genius to figure out that i''m being taken for a ride, at the moment i just need to talk to someone(not him yet) i really don''t know how to handle this...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It seems almost a law of nature, ( doesn't it ? ) that people who go through someone else's phone, usually find something that makes them unhappy. Maybe it's just that if they find nothing, or find something that makes them happy, thry don't bother to tell us about it....
What puzzles me more, is this sense of trophy collecting, in which someone having an affair or cheating, carefully keeps incriminating messages and pictures where they are likely eventually to be found.
Confronting is too fashionable a term, but you will want to talk with him about this, some time soon, but when you are feeling reasonably calm and more able to control how calmly you reveal what you have discovered, and how you probe for atisfactory comments from him.
Maybe Lifeline could help immediately - or don't you have friends yyou could chat to about this, to start working it through before you discuss it with him ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: sans | 2010/03/11

There is a saying that goes “ being a black man is tough but being a black woman is a Hell” , the lady knows what is write. Do not fix this thing it is not broken it is over. Try fixing it you’ ll be raising a temperature in the Hell you’ ll live with for as long as you allow this to last. Leave his dick  to him you are just another virgin and only good for your body, sex and housekeeping. You are better than that, you are woman. Proud Yes you are and You deserve respect and Yes you do!!!

The first thing we need to establish is if you are staying together and if you are? Whose place is it? If is his place pack your cloths and go (you’ ll be the better person, do not stay because you think things will be different or better, they will not. Worse still you may only learn that you are the other woman in his life and not main one (the one he loves)).

And if it’ s your place sit him down and find out what is happening. You can create a story around something you think you need to do testing for STI for example and ask him if you should worry about anything. If he asks what you mean, ask him if he has someone else that he’ s sleeping with. Be direct and straight to the point.

Wait for him to deny everything and then tell him of something you’ ll like him to know you did. And that you’ ll appreciate if he can allow you to finish before responding to anything (do not cry and do not apologise). Then tell him what you saw (cell phone) and do not apologise (you know what you did was wrong but your life is more valuable than going through his cell phone), how what you saw makes you feel and what you’ ve decided. Soon after this discussion ask him to pack his cloths and leave.

Do Not I repeat Do Not allow him to change the topic regarding you going through his cell phone because you’ ll end up being made to believe you did the wrong thing.

You’ ll be told how much he loves you, and do not believe it. He actually does not love you all is interested is a place to stay, sex with you whenever he want and more so he does not respect you and he’ ll not start now.

Remember you are a boss in this relationship  he is with you because you allowed him into your life and by the look of things he does not respect that. So again you are letting him go because you respect yourself and not because you are hurt. To stay in this relationship will only complicate your life and you’ ll end up doubting your self worth. Never stay in the relationship because of what things use to be or because of great so called sex. You are not being appreciated and it is time to call it off.

Reply to sans
Posted by: Gracie | 2010/03/03

Kick his cheating-|-out the door and find a man who will appreciate you for who and what you are ... how absolutely disgusting to have nude pics of another woman on his phone ... whilst he is in a relationship with you! I actually feel sorry for you .... I would go ballistic if I were in your shoes ... some men have no idea how much something like that damages a person''s self-esteem ... you probably feel as though you are not good enough for him, bit girl you are better than he is and better off without him ... if he has nude pics of her, he has no doubt been sleeping with her .... no no this is not good .... u will get over him sooner and easier than you think! Good luck!

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: Kate | 2010/03/03

Maybe you are the other women and not her?
Just leave his ass, dont think twice about making it work etc

Reply to Kate
Posted by: Sam | 2010/03/03

How could you want to stay with that man?? You don''t want to be with someone who is always going to be looking at other girls, and never fully BE with you! A man will only treat you the way you allow him to!

Reply to Sam
Posted by: ?? | 2010/03/02

I have considered all those things (hurting him) but i guess what i really have to decide is whether i still want things between us to work out or not then i can come up with a plan. i keep thinking about the things we talk about, our plans and all that, was it all a lie? he told me this past weekend that he considers our relationship solid and he doesn''t want to mess it up but of course the actions were not corresponding, he''s dodgy on the phone and he''s very protective of his phone when he can do whatever he likes with mine. It also puzzled that he keeps all those messages it''s as if he wanted to be found, he doesn''t have a security code and they date back as far as May last year, this is the first time i''ve had the courage to do what i did but my puzzle has grown larger...

Reply to ??
Posted by: Sam | 2010/03/02

So, this is how you handle this...

You find the highest pair of shoes you have, those ones with the really thin heels, and you attack him with it - aim for one of his eyes, make sure you do some ugly body modifications (preferably in his face) so that no other girl will ever look at him again (and you don''t want to look at him either).

Then you get his phone again, get the number of that other girl, and then tell her what''s going on (the fact that there is NO trace of you on his phone, means that she thinks she is his girlfriend) tell her what''s been going on, and then invite her over for dinner. Tell your boyfriend you have a friend coming over (don''t tell him who) and tell him to invite a few of his too, maybe you can hook her up.

When she gets there, the look on his face, and on hers... and then the two of you can attack him together (preferably with your high heels - there''re the best wepon you own!).

Reply to Sam
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/03/02

It seems almost a law of nature, ( doesn't it ? ) that people who go through someone else's phone, usually find something that makes them unhappy. Maybe it's just that if they find nothing, or find something that makes them happy, thry don't bother to tell us about it....
What puzzles me more, is this sense of trophy collecting, in which someone having an affair or cheating, carefully keeps incriminating messages and pictures where they are likely eventually to be found.
Confronting is too fashionable a term, but you will want to talk with him about this, some time soon, but when you are feeling reasonably calm and more able to control how calmly you reveal what you have discovered, and how you probe for atisfactory comments from him.
Maybe Lifeline could help immediately - or don't you have friends yyou could chat to about this, to start working it through before you discuss it with him ?

Reply to cybershrink

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