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Question
Posted by: Jennifer | 2011/09/08

Huge mistake

I am a 39yr old lady with two children aged 10 and 15. I am living in a horrible emotion, physical and emtionally abusive marriage. In April this year I met a younger man on-line and we began chatting. We spend everyday chatting and we have spoken on the phone sometime. I have learned to trust him with my life and have developed an on-line relationship with him. We have decided we would meet next month. We live in two different cities and he said he will visit when he comes to my city to do some work. We are engaged in sexting as well. We have exchanged pictures, I have sent him pictures of myself(nude and explicit as well). The problem I seemed to have encountered with this man is that he does not talk to much of himself. He lets me share my life with him. I think I have grown attached to him because he is there to listen and he makes me feel special, and beautiful and sexy. When I first began this cyber relatinship with this man I think I was not thinking to straight but rather just enjoying his company. He has declared he loves me, to which I have doubts. I am now begining to wonder could he just be a scam or someone who enjoys praying on vunerable woman. I am very worried about how to continue this relationship or rather end it, as I believe he is not being truthful. I am very concerned over the pictures I have given him of me as if they were to get out that could ruin me. Please advice - what should I do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You raise some rather different issues here.
Firstly, there is little point in remaining in an abusive marriage, either for the abused spouse, or for the children. Secondly, there's need to be cautious about relationships based on internet contacts. I don't know how one could "trust with my life" someone you have actually never met ! For all you know, it could be your husband, pretending to be someone else.
There's a picture of a tiger at a computer, with the caption : "On the Internet, nobody knows you're looking for lunch" Remember that !
When you are in a miserable an abusive relationship, it can be such a relief to come across anyone else who seems interested in you and kind, that one can easily over-react.
Don't place much hope on this specific relationship, and its understandable that you worry about what could be done with the pictures you sent him. Did he send you similar pictures of himself ? Actally, even if he did, you have no way of knowing whether they were genuine pictures of him, or just some he found elsewhere on the web.
See a counsellor and work directly on planing the best way to protect yourself and your children from an abusive spouse, and explore safe ways to leave him and protect yourselves. Only once you are safely and securely on your own would it be worth thinking of a new relationship, and then that would be best achieved the old-fashioned way, with someone you know and have met many times in person

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

7
Our users say:
Posted by: Romany | 2011/09/08

It is always easy to say " what were you thinking" ... after the fact, but I have to agree with Chris here.
Maybe try and ease out of this situation gently? Break the contact, by mutual agreement. Lets hope he is keen to do that.
Otherwise this can get very ugly for you.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Chris758 | 2011/09/08

You say your husband is an abuser and that might be true. It can also be the perception you have and the reason you give to explain your messing around with men on the internet. Sending a man explicit photos of yourself is disgusting to say the least!!! Now you are worried that these photos get out!! Do you really think that you are not a slut? If your husband finds out you will blame him for your actions!!

I know I sound like a horrible man but this happened to me and in the end when everything was over it was my wife that was the emotional abuser!!!!!!

Best of luck but get out as soon as possible!! You are going to get burned!!!!

Reply to Chris758
Posted by: Hannah | 2011/09/08

Before you send any more pictures, or open up too much about him, meet him. See what he’ s like in person and take it from there. My mother is married to a gentleman that out of the blue sent her a Facebook invite years ago. He turned out to be a decent man. Her last boyfriend she also met in the internet, although that one didn’ t last too long he turned out to be a very decent man too. It was silly to send such pictures, but I do understand that when you are vulnerable and someone is super nice you don’ t always think right. How much does this man know about you (address, children’ s name, husbands name, your surname, etc)? If he knows a lot, I would get legal advice.

Reply to Hannah
Posted by: in the know | 2011/09/08

seek legal advice before u try to get out - this could get nasty

Reply to in the know
Posted by: XXX | 2011/09/08

Be careful,be very careful

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Mommy | 2011/09/08

Trust your instinct!!!

Reply to Mommy
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/09/08

You raise some rather different issues here.
Firstly, there is little point in remaining in an abusive marriage, either for the abused spouse, or for the children. Secondly, there's need to be cautious about relationships based on internet contacts. I don't know how one could "trust with my life" someone you have actually never met ! For all you know, it could be your husband, pretending to be someone else.
There's a picture of a tiger at a computer, with the caption : "On the Internet, nobody knows you're looking for lunch" Remember that !
When you are in a miserable an abusive relationship, it can be such a relief to come across anyone else who seems interested in you and kind, that one can easily over-react.
Don't place much hope on this specific relationship, and its understandable that you worry about what could be done with the pictures you sent him. Did he send you similar pictures of himself ? Actally, even if he did, you have no way of knowing whether they were genuine pictures of him, or just some he found elsewhere on the web.
See a counsellor and work directly on planing the best way to protect yourself and your children from an abusive spouse, and explore safe ways to leave him and protect yourselves. Only once you are safely and securely on your own would it be worth thinking of a new relationship, and then that would be best achieved the old-fashioned way, with someone you know and have met many times in person

Reply to cybershrink

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