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Question
Posted by: Anon B | 2011/04/23

hubby''s behaviour

I am very concerned about my husband''s odd behaviour. This evening he was telling me that my children and I are better off financially if he were dead! He also said that he has contemplated suicide but decided against it because his life policies won''t pay out on a suicide! Our marriage has not been 100 % for the past three years or so and the strain is killing me. He has horrible pressure at work and I find that I am seeking attention elsewhere, not sexually but emotionally because of all the tension in our home. I openly asked if he wanted out of our marriage because it is not a 100 % happy one and he said that he couldn''t afford to leave me. How am I supposed to take that sort of answer? He said it was a joke but I don''t think that it was, what do I do? How do I take all this in? So confused I don''t know which way to turn at the moment!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Good grief ! (literally ) This man sounds desperately depressed and in suicidal despair, and your reaction is to seek attention for yourself, elsewhere ? There are problems in the marriage, OK, but though you say it's awful for you, but you don't mention it is apparently worse for him.
Whoever lied to you by suggesting that ANY marriage is ever 100 % happy ? Life alone is never 100 % happy, either.
Please urgently and gently persuade him to see a good local shrink for assessment and to be frank in telling the doc all about his situation and felings. When he is better, consider marriage counselling for both of you. But for now,be a bit less self-concerned and a bit more of a good wife. Remember that bit about "in sickness and in health " ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anon B | 2011/04/24

I have been begging and pleading with him for some time now to get help and he refuses. I am not being selfish, I have exhausted every avenue trying to get him the help I feel he needs and he is in complete denial that there is anything wrong with him. We have been down this road once before about 10 years ago and it was just as difficult then, but that time I had to battle on my own and nearly ended up having a break down of my own. Maybe I came across as being a self centred bitch of a wife but I have tried and tried, begged and begged but he is insistent that there is nothing wrong with him. I seriously do not like being seen as the self centred one when I know what I am doing on a daily basis to help which he refuses and ultimately it ends up in an argument with me being the one with the problem according to him. The attention I am seeking elsewhere is in the form of support from my family as I have to try and keep my own little family afloat with that in mind I surely am also entitled to some outside help. I have spoken to my GP who has said the same as what you are saying and my husband says he has no time to go see him to but put on silly little tablets that don''t solve the problem....so where to from here?

MARIA you have no idea how much of a REAL wife I am running a household single handedly, being a full time mom, a full time employee and still trying to help someone who is in denial!!!!

Reply to Anon B
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/04/24

Good grief ! (literally ) This man sounds desperately depressed and in suicidal despair, and your reaction is to seek attention for yourself, elsewhere ? There are problems in the marriage, OK, but though you say it's awful for you, but you don't mention it is apparently worse for him.
Whoever lied to you by suggesting that ANY marriage is ever 100 % happy ? Life alone is never 100 % happy, either.
Please urgently and gently persuade him to see a good local shrink for assessment and to be frank in telling the doc all about his situation and felings. When he is better, consider marriage counselling for both of you. But for now,be a bit less self-concerned and a bit more of a good wife. Remember that bit about "in sickness and in health " ?

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Truth | 2011/04/23

Maria is right, you also need couples therapy.
It is totally unacceptable to seek attention elsewere untill you have done all you can to assist your husband and worked out if the marriage is unsustainable.
Be a REAL wife and face up to your responsibilties.

Reply to Truth
Posted by: Maria | 2011/04/23

There is no such thing as 100% happy marriage. Your husband sounds depressed and as if he is seriously contemplating suicide. Encourage him to see a psychologist and/or psychiatrist for an assessment and treatment, he needs help.

Reply to Maria

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