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Question
Posted by: Nina | 2012/06/01

hubby never buys gifts or celebrates special occassions

Hi CS,

My hubby never celebrates special occassions &  won''t buy you gifts because he says it is a waste of money. I have never received a valentines gift or even a wedding anniversary gift. We are married for 9 yrs. Not even taken out to dinner. I don''t even get taken out on my birthday, unless I bring it up.

I don''t treat him like this. I but Xmas, valenitines, birthday and anniversary gifts. And I make sure my gifts are well thought of. I always buy nice things. I don''t buy the first thing I see just to get it over and done with.

I get shirts for my birthday every year, and he has yet to buy the correct size. He has no idea what I like.

He eagerly accepts gifts given to him though. I actually never got a wedding ring too. He didn''t see the point of wasting his money on one. He said people just show off and are materialistic.

We have had 4 kids and I would think that at this point, I could atleast get spoiled once in a while.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I think there's a difference between someone who resists the entirely commercial promotions that insist you must buy something over-valued for your wife because the stores need to boost their February Sales in the name of Valentine's Day, and a guy who's too mean to ever, more spontaneously, give gifts or treats to his wife as a token of his love. Mind you, I think women should do the same for their man.
And whatever the date, he should take you out to dinner occasioanly. And Birthdays and wedding anniversaries are personal specials, not concocted by the stores.
Have you tried giving HIM shirts the wrong size ? Or gifts you will enjoy, but not to his taste ? To provide opportunities to discuss your concerns, when he has felt what its like ? Maybe just dont get gifts for him at all, and when he mentions this, say "I've been meaning to discus this with you - what do you think is the best way for us both to give each other gifts we each really want, and without falling for that commercial nonsense at the shops ? "
But also, couldn't you be more pro-active in a pleasant way ? " That's a nice shirt, but I think you've forgotten what my correct size is." Where shall we go for dinner on our anniversary next week ?"

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Our users say:
Posted by: Queen | 2012/06/04

I think we as people are just different. I''m a woman but I just don''t really bother about celebrating Valentines, birthdays and even anniversaries. Not that I don''t value or appreciate my hubby, its just that I feel a gift bought just because the calender says so is a bit shallow. I prefer to buy him things he needs when I feel like it and not present it as a gift.
He on the other hand is a die hard romantic who actually brings me a rose on Valentines day! He also understands that I show my love and appreciation differently.

Reply to Queen
Posted by: Maria | 2012/06/02

Get a book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: mary | 2012/06/01

party mans darem, hulle dryf n mens teen die mure uit partykeer, hulle verstaan ons nie.

Reply to mary
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/06/01

I think there's a difference between someone who resists the entirely commercial promotions that insist you must buy something over-valued for your wife because the stores need to boost their February Sales in the name of Valentine's Day, and a guy who's too mean to ever, more spontaneously, give gifts or treats to his wife as a token of his love. Mind you, I think women should do the same for their man.
And whatever the date, he should take you out to dinner occasioanly. And Birthdays and wedding anniversaries are personal specials, not concocted by the stores.
Have you tried giving HIM shirts the wrong size ? Or gifts you will enjoy, but not to his taste ? To provide opportunities to discuss your concerns, when he has felt what its like ? Maybe just dont get gifts for him at all, and when he mentions this, say "I've been meaning to discus this with you - what do you think is the best way for us both to give each other gifts we each really want, and without falling for that commercial nonsense at the shops ? "
But also, couldn't you be more pro-active in a pleasant way ? " That's a nice shirt, but I think you've forgotten what my correct size is." Where shall we go for dinner on our anniversary next week ?"

Reply to cybershrink

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