Posted by: Lerato | 2012-02-13

Hubby Angry

My husband and I are not talking since Saturday, he is very angry that I went to mall without his concern and I am misusing money. What happening is we never go together as a family, he goes his own ways and I go my own ways (which is wrong) I even go to church alone, he never goes. We have one car which is regarded as my car, since I bought it for my own use and i use it daily. The problem is every saturday he goes to funeral with the car and wants to sit there until 16h00 in the afternoon (drinking/chilling). It becomes difficult for me to move around, i had requested him that he must at least come back around 13h00 then I can go the shops with the kid and I also had to go for xrays, tomorrow i am seeing my doctor and he needs them (i am hiv+, him as well). I couldn''t go cause he was gone, when he came back he told me I am treating him like a child by telling him what time must he be back. I feel very lonely as he is never home, during the week he arrives around 21h00 - 22h00 (working). Weekend he will be in the house for +- two hours during the day and he is gone. When I have money in my account he wants it, so I always tel him I am broke, i never told him how much I earn as he will always demand. So now he saw my payslip and he says I am using him financially like a tool. I just need to know, does it mean if he pays R4500 for the rent, and I pay R4000 for home groceries, school, water and elecricy and the maid, I am misusing the remaining money, I earn R17000 he earns R19000. But he is forever broke. When I say I am going to malls he says it means I have money but i request from him as well. I had decided that I can''t live like this, in two months I will save to move out and he can''t be left alone and go to his friends and funerals as he wish and no one will question him. I am drained, was in bed the whole day yesterday and I really don''t care if he decides to have an affair or what cause is always out at pubs and he never goes with me and the child anywhere, maybe I am an embrassment to him, but as pretty as I am i will not allow him to put me down, he never pay me compliments, i only get that from ppl from work, friends and family. Is moving out a good idea?, i just need some peace for my health and then I live like a single person as he is already doing. (I am always crying - and I told him). There is too much negative aroma in the house rather than postive.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

A wife shouldnt need her husband's permission to go out ; but if he has reasonable concerns that you may have been spending wastefully it would be understandabl that he would be angry if that was what you were doing.
Is this your car in the sense that YOU are fully paying for it ? Or is he also paying for it, and may reasonably expect to be able to use it, too ? Are all the funerals he goes to of people HE knew but you didn't ? Could you go with him to these funerals ?
Its not treaing him like a child to expect him to be considerate of the needs and wishes of his wife and child, and not to be entirely selfish in how he spends his ime and uses the car you share.
Between you, as a family, you earn a good amount of money compared to very many people, and should plan not to spend all you get, but to save for emergencies and the cihld's needs, etc. If he is always broke, wht is he spending R 15000 a month on ?
Have you ried to persuade him that Marriage Counselling for the pair of you might be a really good idea ?
What do other readers think and suggest ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Lerato | 2012-02-16

I am going to date, rather than see my self suffer, I am enough. I met a man who is separated with two kids, so we will meet once in a while. My hubby is just pain nothing else. So I am tired of playing the holy nun, mother Theresa, no way. I can''t baby sit an old man, I will rather be alone and I am strong to stand on my own, I made a promise to myself that I will never cry again. He can hit the fan like a powpow if he wants. I know two wrongs dont make a right, but Im done with him. This is his second marriage so he better be careful.

Reply to Lerato
Posted by: Motlalentwa | 2012-02-14

I am a man &  knows that he is just acting like this because you are still next to him, he will cry himself to death the moment you leave that house. Let me tell you something about us men, we do all these things because we know that there is a good women who is taking care of me, I will be out the whole day because I know that coming back home I wil find someone who has cooked for you, cleaned the house and have done everything that potray me as a good guy to the outside world. I miss women like you in my life.

Reply to Motlalentwa
Posted by: Lerato | 2012-02-13

I had tried his family, and with my family he will always says I report him to my parents since he doesn''t have parents I can go and talk about him at my family. So Now I tried all so I am gonna to to his uncle and if he carries on like this I am gone, I am not going to let my self down because of him. I had been through lots of pain due to my health - was in ICU. Again I lost my ex hubby and i came out strong saying I will never marry again, here he comes and ill treats me. I will rather be alone, I am enough and I just want peace of mind, nothing else. For now my last resort will be counselling if it fails, I am so gone, out. I can''t allow myself to be emotionally abused.

Reply to Lerato
Posted by: Anon | 2012-02-13

I think leaving him might just make him understand how you feel. Going out and having a jol without you Everytime is an insult to you. He might have insecurities about your relationships. Like you said he might just be ashamed of you, which is his problem not yours.

Many people go through life not selfishly putting their lives first. Love yourself enough to say enough is enough. You too deserve to be truly loved.
Maybe talking to someone professional or elders first might change the situation so do try all the options before deciding to finally calling it quits.
You have suffered enough woman.

Reply to Anon

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.