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Question
Posted by: sssnoopy | 2011-08-16

howt to deal with a problem 20yr old

She has been spoilt, no discipline,no respect for herself or anyone.Socializing only on her list of to do''s.Has a 3year old son,Takes no notice of him,Her sole duty there is to put him to bed,er son goes to his grandmother every weekend,she has never looked after a single weekend since he was born.She lives with her father who feeds clothes etc every need filled.''She has not finished her schooling,Never finished anything she has started,Says she has no confidence,nit even to klearn how to drive, even when there was a car given to her (now gone) Never worked a day in her life.Thinks money grows on trees and the world owes her everything.She has a bad attitude and manners (if any).she will not listen to anyone,putsher nose up and walks out or puts the phone down.All the nice ways do not work,she has been kicked out of the house,but her bargaining tool her son,got her back home and nothing has changed.
how do you get someone like that motivated to do anything as it is constant worry as to what will happen to her son.
The courst have oredered that she may not be alone with her son and has to be under responsible persons eg her dad or mom who do not live together.
She has been going to counselling for years and a few years back the psycologist said she is a hopless case and money was just being wasted.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe the first priority should be the welfae of the child, and if she is neglecting him, this is abuse or neglect,and maybe the Child Welfare authorities should be asked to review the situation. and this might, in turn, give her something of a wake-up call ? And especially if she uses the child as a tactic to get her own way, that should be viewed seriously by the welfare authorities. As the courts are already involved, and it sounds as though she may be ignoring the court orders, her position may be much less secure than she assumes.
Counselling that lasts for years, especially in someone with a personality disorder, is indeed useless.
And maybe search the web and read about Tough Love. So long as her misguided father sponsors her laziness and irresponsibility, how would she have any motivation to change the slovenly habits he is encouraging ?
And if and when he dies, what then ? He seems to have trained her to be utterly incapable of fending for herself, and nobody else would want to sponsor her lifestyle.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Anne | 2011-08-16

I agree with CS that Child welfare needs to be involved. The child must be removed premanently from her by either grand parent, and she needs to be cicked out and not felt sorry for. She needs to learn that the rest of the world earn our keep and there are rules and norms in society that have to be conformed to.

Her father needs a jolly good talking to because he is not doing her any favours whatsoever. Seeing the light for her needs to start with him. He needs to toughen up, take the bull by the horns and shake it around a little.

Reply to Anne
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-08-16

Maybe the first priority should be the welfae of the child, and if she is neglecting him, this is abuse or neglect,and maybe the Child Welfare authorities should be asked to review the situation. and this might, in turn, give her something of a wake-up call ? And especially if she uses the child as a tactic to get her own way, that should be viewed seriously by the welfare authorities. As the courts are already involved, and it sounds as though she may be ignoring the court orders, her position may be much less secure than she assumes.
Counselling that lasts for years, especially in someone with a personality disorder, is indeed useless.
And maybe search the web and read about Tough Love. So long as her misguided father sponsors her laziness and irresponsibility, how would she have any motivation to change the slovenly habits he is encouraging ?
And if and when he dies, what then ? He seems to have trained her to be utterly incapable of fending for herself, and nobody else would want to sponsor her lifestyle.

Reply to cybershrink

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