Our expert says:
Most of the people who have the cheek to insist that harmed and hurt people MUST forgive the people who hurt or harmed them, are (a) idiots , and (b) have never themselves suffered anything which matches the pain of those they are preaching to, or (c) if they had any seriously bad experiences in their own lives, are handling these by deep denial rather than wholesome coping. So ignore them. Ubnrepentent perps never deserve any reaction from your side that would make them feel better, as this will only encourage them to hurt more people, more often.
Its it NEVER EVER necessary for you to forgive people who hurt you in the sense of letting them feel they're of the hook and needn't worry about the hurt they caused. WHat IS healthy for you is something for which we need another good word, forgiveness in the sense of setting yourself free from bonds of bitterness, anger and sorrow tying you to the perpetrator and the events that hurt you. If you are still dwelling on those past events, you have never forgiven anyone in this, the most important sense. Seeing a good CBT type therapist to work through your own reactions to the hurtful events, settijng yourself free.
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