advertisement
Question
Posted by: Storm | 2012/10/30

How to stop loving someone

I''ve been married for ten years and 5 yrs ago I met a man I fell in love with. My marriage has been troubled from day 1. I still love that man even today. I haven''t seen him in 3 yrs but I still think about him every single day. Six months ago we started talking online, I let him know how I feel abt him and my husband found out. My husband suspected something was going on between since the first time I saw this man. I promised my husband to stop contacting the man and I failed to do it. My husband suggested we end our marriage and every time I think of it, I get knots in my stomach like it will be a mistake if we part ways. I still love my husband very much and we''ve been through a lot together. I don''t know how the other man feels abt me cause he never said anything when I told him how I feel abt him. How can I stop loving the other man? I plan on really staying away from him this time despite how I feel about him

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Invest in trying to heal your marriage and give it a real chance. Its not fair to either of you to give up on a marriage without working properly with a marriage counsellor.
Flirting with this other guy is unfair to all of you, and not a responsible way to sort this out - he is happy to encourage you to cheat on your husband, potentially ; and you seem to be moving in that direction, too.
You say you love your husband and don't want your marriage to end - see a marriage counsellor together and work at it !
Recognize that this other guy is wonderful only in your imahination, because he is now able to be everything you fondly imagine or wish for, without the inevitable experiences of falling short of your wishes which would arise if you were actually together. Its a fantasy. Notice that the other guy did NOT respond supportively when you told him you loved him - doesnt that tell you something very important ?
There['s no secret recipe for "stopping" a love you feel, especially for someone who you may have met previously, but is now principally a fantasy. face reality - if you proceed with this you'll lose a marriage and husband you love, for a guy who might not even bother to turn up.
Cut contact with him, genuinely - remove his numbers and e-mail, SMS and other addresses from ALL your records ; block all calls from those numbers and bin any e0mails.
Depending on how you have been talking online, remove whatever software you've been using and block yourself from accessing that site.
Work on reviving and enjoying the love you and your husband have for each other, which, according to your own words, is important and real ; and stop chasing shadows. And keep busy enough not to have enough spare time to sit around dreaming about what might have been - get back to enjoying what already is

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Romany | 2012/10/30

I agree with James. Your husband (or anybody else) does not deserve to be deceived.
Leave him and carry on with your other man.
At least this will give your husband the opportunity to meet and marry a woman that will love him, respect him and not cheat on him or desire other men.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: James | 2012/10/30

Having lived through a wife having affairs rather do the decent thing and leave your husband in peace and end the marriage. You can then do whatever you want and your husband doesnt have to live witrh the anguish of always wondering what you are upto over and above the trust you have broken.

Reply to James
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/10/30

Invest in trying to heal your marriage and give it a real chance. Its not fair to either of you to give up on a marriage without working properly with a marriage counsellor.
Flirting with this other guy is unfair to all of you, and not a responsible way to sort this out - he is happy to encourage you to cheat on your husband, potentially ; and you seem to be moving in that direction, too.
You say you love your husband and don't want your marriage to end - see a marriage counsellor together and work at it !
Recognize that this other guy is wonderful only in your imahination, because he is now able to be everything you fondly imagine or wish for, without the inevitable experiences of falling short of your wishes which would arise if you were actually together. Its a fantasy. Notice that the other guy did NOT respond supportively when you told him you loved him - doesnt that tell you something very important ?
There['s no secret recipe for "stopping" a love you feel, especially for someone who you may have met previously, but is now principally a fantasy. face reality - if you proceed with this you'll lose a marriage and husband you love, for a guy who might not even bother to turn up.
Cut contact with him, genuinely - remove his numbers and e-mail, SMS and other addresses from ALL your records ; block all calls from those numbers and bin any e0mails.
Depending on how you have been talking online, remove whatever software you've been using and block yourself from accessing that site.
Work on reviving and enjoying the love you and your husband have for each other, which, according to your own words, is important and real ; and stop chasing shadows. And keep busy enough not to have enough spare time to sit around dreaming about what might have been - get back to enjoying what already is

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement