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Question
Posted by: TL | 2012/07/20

How to move on from this.

I really need an answer or some kind of reality check. I met my ex boyfriend 6 years back when i was 22 and he was 19 going for 20. At that time the both of us were coming out of relationships but dealt with it differently. I was coming out of my first relationship and would in most cases reveal information about that relationship which I have now realised was too much for him to hear.One of the first things i mentioned was that I do not want to date any person younger to me and he kept his age a secret until i found out while in the relationship but learned to live with it. Throughout the 5 year relationship it was an on and off mostly because i will always go back to 1. its not working out, thats why i dont want to date kids 2. I will always compare him to my first boyfriend. I have lied to him so many times, e.g. claimed that I am pregnant and he gave me money to abort etc. Until recently I did not realsie the damage and headache i have brought to his life, when i told him that i had feelings for him. He cried and told me how much he loved me but also mentioned " trust"  and that he is scared and very afraid to get involved with me because he invests everything he has and i seem to be hanging on to him until i find an older guy. To tell the truth, it pains me that for the past 6 years i have mentioned this to him without realising the impact on him. At some point while going through the on and off relationship i dated several guys and i told him that i had slept with one of the guys and as my mission has been completed i dont want him anymore. I have never thought of myself as this girl that i see on the mirror and yes the things i have done and said are huge. My question is, i love him and after hearing everything I realised that this relationship cannot be saved and we need to separate but he said that we can start off as friends and see how it goes. I feel i owe it to him to try but how do I go about trying?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Im surprised at how much significance people place in mere calendar years - its emotional and social age that counts. Some young teens have old heads, some folks in 20's, 30's even 40's can be awfully immature.
Why is this "older guy" thing apparently such an issue for both of you ? There is no guarantee on earth than anyone simply because they are older, will be more mature or treat you better.
From your own description, you seem to have treated him surprisingly and undeservedly cruelly at times : why ?
And in this situation, instead of your habit of abandoning him then picking him up again, why don't you go to see a couples / relationship counsellor together and see what can be worked out ? Maybe FAMSA can guide you towards someone helpful

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Our users say:
Posted by: Mario | 2012/08/04

This review is from: Just an FYI which I lneaerd the hard way. This User Guide and Access Code just allows you to access the online course, which has many useful features. (The textbook itself is great). If your instructor indicates that you need the Online Component, this is it and this is an additional cost to the textbook with accompanying Student CD-ROM. Also, buyer beware if you plan on purchasing this User Guide and Access Code from vendors indicating the item is Used or Like New. **The Access Code can only be used once.** Unless the item is brand new, you may be getting an access code that has already been used and you may be denied access into the online course. Like I said, I lneaerd the hard way. (Please don''t take this the wrong way there''s nothing wrong with the vendors and, in fact, I buy many of my books from the Amazon Marketplace vendors. It''s just that the publisher, Elsevier, only allows use of this Access Code once. If anything, I would recommend contacting the vendor directly to ask if the Access Code has already been used just to be sure).

Reply to Mario
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/07/21

Im surprised at how much significance people place in mere calendar years - its emotional and social age that counts. Some young teens have old heads, some folks in 20's, 30's even 40's can be awfully immature.
Why is this "older guy" thing apparently such an issue for both of you ? There is no guarantee on earth than anyone simply because they are older, will be more mature or treat you better.
From your own description, you seem to have treated him surprisingly and undeservedly cruelly at times : why ?
And in this situation, instead of your habit of abandoning him then picking him up again, why don't you go to see a couples / relationship counsellor together and see what can be worked out ? Maybe FAMSA can guide you towards someone helpful

Reply to cybershrink

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