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Question
Posted by: guilty | 2012-11-09

how to make right

hi everyone its my 1st time on this block, i normally just read other people''s stories, but today i have mine.

Am a 37year old man who was in a relationship with a lady for 1 year, by the time i hooked up with her i was staying with someone else she did not know that..because she is not staying at the same town as me ( it was long distance relationship) she had no reason to doubt me because i was available anytime of the day on my phone/email/sms when she needed to talk. She couldn''t visit due to her work, so i was the one who was always visit her.

my situation was complicated, the lady i was staying with we already run out of love when i met this one, we were even sleeping in separate bedrooms, the only reason she was still there it was for me to organize/help her to find herself a new accommodation.

so my new lady find out even long after the lady has left the place and when she questioned me about it she i made a mistake and lied to her that the lady was not my ex girlfriend she was a Nanny/Housekeeper.

then later somehow my ex, contact her as she already new i was seeing someone else and told her all the juicy details.

she was shocked and confronted me with the news and i tried to lie my way out of it again, till i had no choice but to confess is all, but by then my current girl was pregnant and now to cut story short, she dumped me so fast and we were planning to make things permanent , she doesn''t trust me anymore, says she been lied to from the beginning of the relationship.

I truly love this woman, she is one of those you cant let go, she has a good heart and loving personality. i know i messed up but how can i make her understand that nothing was happening between me and my ex when i met her.

I don''t want to loose her and my baby. Please am in tears when i think about all this, and i know for a fact that if i told her the truth from the beginning she would have given me a chance.

she told me that we can only communicate about the pregnancy/child nothing more. She admits she still have feelings for me but she swears she will never trust or have faith in me.

I love her so much, how can i get her to trust me again and give me another chance.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

So, if I understand you, you were not frank or fully honest with this woman from the start, not revealuing that you were, relevantly, staying with someone else at the time ? Maybe that relationship was ending, but it was surely still relevant to the new woman in your life ?
Then you lied when she found out ( I wonder why you might have needed a nanny ? ) And then again you tried to lie your way out of THAT situation.
Can you really wonder why she doesnt believe or trust you now ? No wonder she decided to end the relationship ; its sad that you made her pregnant beforehand.
Maybe there wasnt anything sexual or emotional going on between you and your previous woman at the time you met this one, but as soon as you lied about that, you convinced her, very reasonably, that there was. Lying always strongly suggests there's something sneaky going on.
If you were her, I doubt you'd trust you again !
Be honourable and kindly in caring about and for the child and arrangeing proper maintenance, and see what happens. Pushing her now will only encourage her to draw further away from you

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Our users say:
Posted by: Annie | 2012-11-09

Romany, as much as I enjoy your posts sometimes you are also very unforgiving at times. A person can''t make a mistake and want to make it right, it''s like you are perfect.

Guilty, I know why you lied. You did it out of fear that your girlfriend would break up with you, that she wouldn''t understand and that she''d see it in a different, negative way. I get it. You didn''t do it to be deceitful, your intentions were good.

May I suggest that you phone her or even better, go see her and have a frank conversation. Maybe get your ex to call her, maybe she thinks you are still lying about your relationship with your ex.

Trust and faith can be rebuilt, but it takes time and effort.

Reply to Annie
Posted by: Nini | 2012-11-09


Things always seem that much worse in the beginning. If you truly are sorry and ready to become 100% honest with her about everything in your life then I''d suggest you dont give up. You need to understand though that now that there is a child involved, she will become that much more protective and that much harder to convince. But if you say she still loves you and you are serious abuot making it work, then give it some time and keep trying.

I dont blame her if she doesnt trust you, but in the end of the day we do all make mistakes, for whatever reasons they may be. Give her some space, and then approach her again with an open and honest heart, and take it from there. You will have a lot of convincing to do, and lots of hard work ahead of you to prove yourself again.

Good luck!

Reply to Nini
Posted by: Leila | 2012-11-09

All you can do is try, try and try more. You say she still loves you and maybe that would make her change her mind in the end. Just be totally honest to her right now as to the reasons for lying to her from the start.She is very angry right now so give her time. she may eventually learn to trust you again. We all make mistakes.

I hope this serves as a lesson for everyone.

Reply to Leila
Posted by: Romany | 2012-11-09

I am afraid you can''t get herto trust you again.
Move on and let this be a lesson to you in the future.
It is a pitty, but she deserves better.

Reply to Romany

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