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Question
Posted by: miekie | 2012/05/02

How to let go - cutting the umbical cord

Hi Prof
My son 22 is leaving for the UK soon. I was really shocked by his decision, i cried and cried, then felt anger and now actually I''m ok sort of acceptance. He wants to join the Royal Army. Is this emotional ride normal? Is there no easier way, not a lot of self-help books available. All this and I''m menopausal, stressed out and have heart disease. Being a parent is no easy job.
Thanks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Good responses from other readers. Its not uncommon to react in this way, though maybe not to too severe a degree. He's a man, and you've done a good job that he feels confident enough to make such a big move on his own. Maybe he hesitated to tell you earlier, fearing how you might react. You would have more good reason to worry and feel bad if he was unable to leave your side and venture out into the world.
Maybe menopause isn't helping much. You don't mention other people - are there other children, a husband, relatives, friends ? Surely you're not going to be entirely alone ?
This is one of the late stages in the marvellously challenging role of being a parent, and as important as the earlier ones. Congratulations on having brought up an independent and competent young man !

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Our users say:
Posted by: Realist | 2012/05/02

Its really a way that nature works for everyones benefit. Accept that he is an adult and that as far as you are concerned you raised him correctly. You have done your duty towards him and have given him a good start in life. Naturally you are heartsore, but are you heartsore for him or are you feeling sorry for yourself? Be proud of your achievement. I am sure that he will make a big success of his chosen career.

Reply to Realist
Posted by: Maria | 2012/05/02

I think it''s quite normal, I remember my parents reacting the same way when I left home at the age of 24. Think about it this way... you didn''t raise a boy, you raised a man. And if he can do this and make a success of it, then you did a good job. It''s hard when someone you love goes far away. My daughter is only 10 so I haven''t experienced this with a child but I imagine that it will be harder to deal with than anybody else moving. Maybe you should consider seeing a counselor for a couple of sessions to help you work through your emotions and get to a point where you can support your son?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/05/02

Good responses from other readers. Its not uncommon to react in this way, though maybe not to too severe a degree. He's a man, and you've done a good job that he feels confident enough to make such a big move on his own. Maybe he hesitated to tell you earlier, fearing how you might react. You would have more good reason to worry and feel bad if he was unable to leave your side and venture out into the world.
Maybe menopause isn't helping much. You don't mention other people - are there other children, a husband, relatives, friends ? Surely you're not going to be entirely alone ?
This is one of the late stages in the marvellously challenging role of being a parent, and as important as the earlier ones. Congratulations on having brought up an independent and competent young man !

Reply to cybershrink

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